If Only, If Only
by DarknessShinesOn
Summary: A/U Where Dean and Cas grew up together as neighbors and are out on their own when the world suddenly turns in Cas' favor, but Dean has had a shocking twist thrust upon him, two in fact. Cas and Dean try to get through everything they can together in this new world they have created for themselves. Rated M for sexual situations on a few chapters. Destiel.
1. Time To Get Out

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this story, they belong to Supernatural.

I hope you like the story, please feel free to message me!

Chapter. 1

I am finally out on my own. I have graduated high school, and now finally college, haven't gotten into any _major_ trouble, and typically make my dad happy. It's been hard being raised by a single man my whole life, probably why I never did seem to fit in with most of the other kids I went to school high school with. It's all for the best I guess, I know I'm not typically 'normal' by social conventions, or whatever that means, and I'm okay with that. Honestly I've taken care of myself most of my life, and I try to keep my own company. If it wasn't for my neighbor, I probably would have died though. I'm a smart person, I can pretty much solve any kind of math problem, but remembering to eat? Yeah, that's not really up my ally.

Mrs. Winchester knew exactly what I needed, food mostly, but company too. Sometimes when dad needed to go on a conference meeting out of town, I would sleep over at their house. Now to me, this was just absolute torture, but it soon became bearable, and eventually enjoyable. I had always been slightly jealous of the Winchester family, they had both parents that seemed to care, a nice house, people were always coming over to visit, a normal family.

Sometimes when I got home from school I would see Mr. Winchester outside playing basketball with Dean and Sam and Mrs. Winchester tending to her garden, normal family stuff, and deep down I would secretly burn. Maybe that life just isn't in the cards for me, then the angel that is Mrs. Winchester noticed what was going on. Dad wasn't a bad father just…busy. She knew how to approach the subject and not make it sound like he was being neglectful to me. I of course rejected, I could take care of myself, but who was I but a child. Someone who doesn't know what's going on and needs to be taken care of constantly.

I knew who Dean and Sam were, of course I did, not only were we neighbors but we went to the same school, and our town wasn't very big, so of course the school system wasn't very big, so during my, forced, sleepover I was a nervous wreck. It was obvious they had been told to be nice to me and the conversation during dinner seemed very forced and awkward. It was just very uncomfortable, I didn't help with my one word answers either, and by desert I pretty much just wanted to get out of the room and escape somewhere I could be alone, then I would be able to relax and just rest.

Once left alone I did feel better, I cracked open a book I had brought with me, and fell into the lives of someone else's problems, my own just melting away, then I could feel a presence in the room. Looking up I saw Dean standing in the doorway with a dish towel in his hands.

"I know you're the quiet type, as I noticed at dinner tonight when our cat talked more then you," Dean said as I slightly hung my head in shame, "But Sam and I take turns doing the dishes, and I have plans with friends tonight, so…your up." Thankfully I had looked up right about the time he tossed the towel to me, and by the grace of God, I actually caught it before it fell to the floor. I could hear him in the next room over, I assumed it was his room and hear things being tossed lightly to the ground.

That was the first memory of Dean actually talking to me. Now years later, I don't think back at this memory and it be instant love, honestly I thought it was flat out rude, but it did break the ice. As time went on, not only did I think of my dad being out of town as a bad thing and being forced to stay somewhere other than my own house, but it meant friendship and something that I could actually rely on.

During the start I was actually closer with Sam then Dean, he was only 2 years younger than me, and we shared some common interests, but Dean was, well Dean. He was the most popular guy at school, star basketball student, always had the prettiest girlfriends, but was always close with Sam and eventually me too. It wasn't until high school that Dean and I actually became friends, real friends, not just some kid his kid brother played with. It was just happenstance when we actually started hanging out. Like he was my savoir.

Discovering that I was gay really hit me hard, I had always been taught that since I was a boy, I was supposed to like girls, and I had kept it to myself for years, not even telling Sam who was my best friend during that time, then I came out and the bullying increased big time. Sam and I had always been picked on because we were kind of weird, and Dean would typically step in and stop them from bullying Sam, and of course since I was always with him, me too, but after I came out, people were really into pushing the gay kid around, and when Dean stepped in, it stopped for good. At first I thought he was just hanging around with me because he wanted to keep a watchful eye on me, but after a time, it was just friendship, and that was that.

"Thanks again for helping me move all this." I said as I slowly sank into the couch with a beer in my hand. We had pushed it off to the side to make room for walking in and out of the apartment and there were boxes everywhere.

"That's what friends are for," Dean said in between drinks a shadow passing across his face, "Not like I had any other plans, that's done now." His voice cracked slightly.

Deep down my very soul cried out for the man who was sitting on the other side of the couch. For the last two years of my college experience I had really fallen for my best friend. So cliché it's embarrassing. He is, well had been, in a serious relationship with a girl named Lisa. I actually liked her, they got along great, and he was happy, so I was happy, but things turned sour when she cheated on him. They really did try to make it work after Dean found out, but he couldn't get over it in the end, and he ended it.

"You know if you ever need to talk, I'm "

"Don't even go there Cas." Dean said holding up his empty hand to stop me short, I shrugged, we had been friends for years now, but sharing typically always came from me, and rarely from him, although from time to time his 'touchy, feely' side came out, as he called it.

"So what's the plan now, gonna have me put all your furniture together since you're such a pansy you can't do it yourself? If that's what you're planning, and I know it is, then you better order a pizza. And pie, don't forget the pie."

In all honesty I didn't really need his help putting it together, I can read instructions, but he always did that type of stuff so much faster, and without the need of instructions. Things like that just came easy to Dean, but I liked having him around helping me out. What he really needed was to get out, forget his problems and help him move on from Lisa. Even though I was completely in love with him, I had realized my love would always be on sided. As much as I wanted him to love my back, I knew it wasn't going to ever be returned, but he was still part of my life, and for now that would just have to work. He may not have been mine in the sense I wanted, but he was still in my life for now.

"Okay here's the deal we work fast, put up the entertainment system and my bed, then we go out and celebrate, I will buy the first round, yes I will buy pie, and have a night out." I said this a little firmly as Dean was already shaking his head at the thought of going out.

With a sigh, he rolled his eyes, set his beer down and got up. "Fine, but it's gonna be 2 rounds." And he set off to my bedroom to assemble my bed and I made my way into the kitchen to unload the boxes in there.

"Why can't you just put your mattress on the ground like a normal single man?" Dean shouted at me down the hall, I could already hear him putting things together.

"Because I'm not a drug dealer, and I do want to eventually have company in my bed and not go screaming out of the room since they're lying on the ground." My smartass comments came out before I could stop it, not like I really would stop it though, I've found I could always be myself around him.

"Ha! Face it Cas, deep down you just want pretty things, just admit it, in any relationship you are always the girl, and the girl needs a nice bed, with ruffle pillows, and lace or whatever to make it look pretty."

"You never know, I might get lucky and need it tonight Dean." I shouted back with color rising in my cheeks. I finished putting up my plates, pots and pans. It didn't take long to put up my few belongings in the kitchen, then Dean was setting up the entertainment center, and I tried to help but he can be very demanding when working on things, he likes it done his way, so I ended up sitting to the side handing him whatever he asked for, like I was a kid in the kitchen asking my parents what I could do to help with dinner, but really being too young to offer any real type of help.

Ever since I came out, Dean has been very comfortable with bringing it out in the open, and not letting me hide who I truly was. Most of the time it was just us hanging out, sometimes with Sam too, but when we were around people I wasn't very familiar with it would get uncomfortable and Dean seemed to think he was helping more than hurting. The problem was, he would shove me into the limelight, but hide himself. Maybe he though if he was talking about me, or others were engaged with me, then he could just bury himself behind the wall of loathing he has for himself. Not that I completely agree with it, but I get it, I knew how it felt to be cheated on, it wasn't a good feeling.

One thing I do know for sure is that Dean has no idea how deeply my love runs for him, to him were just friends, family even. That's one of the reasons I've never been able to tell him that I love him, he just thinks of me as another brother. Is there any way of jumping that gap? People talk about the friendzone, but I think the brozone is worse.

Sometimes I'm really surprised he hasn't figured it out, I don't think I've done anything big to show him how I feel, but it's the little subtle things I do and curse myself later for, because I'm so sure he's going to figure it out and be disgusted that I love him like that. It's things like always keeping his favorite radio station on in my car, and how there's always some of his clothes mixed in with mine for when he's had a few too many and was just closer to my place than his, and didn't want to go home. Dean is oblivious to the small things I've always done for him, even before becoming friends, and it all seemed to start with me putting my book down and covering for Dean with the dishes while he went out with friends.

I am going to die without knowing what his hair feels like in my fingers, or the feel of his lips on mine, but at least I won't die alone, he'll still be there, just out of reach.


	2. Did That Just Happen?

This chapter is rated M.

Chapter 2

Even though we both really enjoyed going out, our favorite spots to go were karaoke bars, though we didn't do it very often for two reasons, one; we would end up making huge fools out of ourselves, and two; Dean always got way too drunk. I'm not sure why he would get completely drunk at karaoke bars compared to regular bars, but that's why we didn't always go there, a complete drunk Dean could get into a lot of trouble, but Dean had said earlier that it was my night, and to celebrate my new place, so why not? The past few days has been rough on my finally packing up my stuff to move out of my dad's house completely. I had lived in a dorm while at college, but I still had stuff at home, this was the first time I was going to be out on my own.

It was about 2 AM when we he decided enough was enough and headed out into the warm night air. We were both slap happy drunk, for a change, and I had Dean's arm slung over my shoulders, telling me something that had happened at work the other day, and as much as I really wanted to listen to whatever it was that he was saying I just couldn't pay attention because it seemed to be primarily focused on the way his lips moved and stretched over his teeth while he was talking. It must have been a funny story because he kept pausing to laugh between words and his eyes would crinkle up as his laughter came out in bursts.

Finally he must have realized I wasn't paying him attention because he jostled me around pulling my eyesight away from the deep emeralds that was his eyes and I blinked a few times shaking the cobwebs out of my fuzzy head.

"Castiel…"Dean taunted me, "whatcha thinking about?" He asked a huge grin splitting out onto his face. "Could it possibly be that guy you meet in there?" Dean inquired, "what was his name? Oh yea, Jonathon." Dean teased, dragging out the name.

Of course I wasn't thinking about him, but I went slightly red since I had been caught flat out starting at my best friend. Dean let out a burst of laughter making me stop short since Dean's arm slid off my shoulder as he put his hands on his knees to steady himself as he laughed.

"Hey man, there's no shame in getting picked up, you two would look real good together." He implied, his words sending a stab into my heart, but before I could respond with any type of comeback Dean stumbled onto the street leaving me on the sidewalk above him and laughter erupted from my chest so hard, it soon hurt and tears were coming out of my eyes. Steading myself I grabbed ahold of his arm and put it back over my shoulder but before I could pull him up onto the sidewalk with me he growled, "Oh fuck you."

"Only if you're lucky." I remarked, not even realizing it had slipped out of my mouth, but Dean stopped and pulled his arm down and cocked his head to the side looking up at my on the sidewalk.

"What?" He asked surprise in his voice, that's when I realized what I had actually said. It's always how I respond in my head when he tells me to fuck off. Shock registered on my face, mirroring Dean's face as I felt myself turning beat red.

"Did you just say you wanted to fuck me Cas?" Dean inquired.

I was at a complete loss of words and my brain wasn't working correctly, for every thought I had it would get jumbled. Every time I would think of something witty or charming to get myself out of this mess, my mouth wouldn't form the correct words.

"I uh…no what…uh." I tried shaking my head, which just made things worse. What was it that Sam always said, liquor is the best truth telling serum? You can't hide anything when a drink is involved. It makes the warning in your head disappear and loosens the tongue, spilling your deepest secrets. It was this very reason I never did get completely smashed when we would go out drinking, I always knew when I needed to stop, for that very reason, but I always felt responsible for Dean, making sure he would get to the right place safe and sound too.

My head was swimming and because I couldn't get my mouth to form the words I wanted to say, I knew I wouldn't be able to talk my way out of this. I reached out and gripped his hair pulling his face up to mine at the same time grabbing his white shirt in my fists and crashed my lips to his kneading his lips with mine. After a few seconds, Dean didn't push me off of him and my hunger grew. I let myself go and throw all my fears away as Dean reached out and gripped my trench coat pulling me even closer to him, a deep moan escaped as I opened my mouth and let my tongue explore Dean's as I fought for domination over him.

It was usually the other way around with me. My partners usually being the dominate one, and me the passive one, but that was out of the window as I got just a taste of Dean. I knew what I wanted and my body took over leaving all thought to sit in the dust.

A shutter ran down my spine as the deep kiss finally ended and I couldn't help but drop my eyes down to his lips as they glistened under the glow of the streetlight. There was a flush splayed across his cheeks and he was gasping to catch his breath, just like I was. I was still pressed up against Dean and every time his body quaked I could feel it in mine shaking me right along with him. I still had my hands clutched on his shirt and I let go stepping back from his, his own hand left to hang in the air where he had been gripping onto me.

"I've wanted to do that for so long." I admitted, my voice sounding very gruff and breathy. My eyes found Dean's and we stood there gazing into each other's eye's for what felt like an eternity and he stepped up onto the sidewalk and with both hands grabbed my coat pulling me back to him, our lips crashing together again and my dominate side went into overdrive as I gripped the back of his neck, moans of pleasure escaping my mouth as our tongues fought each other. My other hand sneaking under his arm gripping his lower back pulling him flush against me, I could feel Dean's excitement, knowing he could feel mine as well. Heat was growing in the pit of my stomach and shooting down to my groin.

It seemed that neither of us could stand still as both of our hands roamed and gripped each other's body, getting just a taste as to what laid ahead of us. This time it was Dean that pulled away, both of us out of breath and slightly disheveled.

"Cas…" Dean breathed out with a tender voice that surprised me. My whole body erupted into goosebumps suddenly feeling cold where moments ago Dean's body had been up against mine sharing his body heat, heating me to the very core. "Why didn't…how long…" He finally managed to get out.

This wasn't something I was prepared for. Anger, resentment, yeah, but caring? Possibly longing? No. I had expected Dean to push me away, scream, yell, maybe even throw a punch…but this? Embarrassment coursed through my body and I didn't know how I could even start to tell Dean how I felt, so I did the only logical my addled brain could think of, turned tail and ran, my fight or flight instinct took over and I fled.

We weren't that far from my apartment, it was just around the corner actually and I could hear Dean shout my name and him follow behind me. As I reached my door, he caught up with me, he was always faster than I was.

"Don't you dare Castiel. I think I deserve some fucking answers." Dean shouted turning me around to face him and pushed me up against the door. "You can't just kiss me like that, make me feel things I've never felt before, then turn and run away!" He shouted at me, heat rising in his cheeks. Anger, resentment, betrayal, those are the things I could handle with but I can feel my lips pulsing from our kiss and I couldn't get mad or upset and yell back.

With a sigh I nodded my head. "Your right." I replied and reached out to grab his shoulders gently. I just needed to touch him, make sure he was real and this wasn't just a dream. "I'm sorry, let's go inside and talk." I said looking into his beautiful green eyes.

There was a part of me that wanted, no, needed to drag him into my bedroom and have my way with him, but I resisted. Barely. I may be been past the point of no return long ago, but this was new and shocking to him. It wasn't fair to him to have all this thrust upon him with no explanation.

With as much will as I had, I pulled my hands away from his broad shoulders, turned and unlocked the door opening it and following Dean into the darkened apartment.

X-X

So I hope you liked chapter 2! I had posted what was originally chapter 2 last week, and I went against my better judgement, I just didn't like it, how it was worded, how the characters sounded, but I posted it, and for some reason the format got all off, I don't know why, so I ended up taking that as a sign and deleted it, now this is chapter 2! I hope you reply, I like to read what my readers have to say about the story! Thanks so much for reading.

Desiree'


	3. This is Real

I do not own any of the characters in this story.

Chapter 3

As much as I wanted to keep it dark and quiet and completely avoid my problems, I knew I couldn't. I slowly closed the door and fumbled around in the dark trying to find the switch and turn the light on, but Dean's hand stops me and I feel his tentative light lips touch mine, I could tell he was unsure of himself. Maybe it's the fact that I've been waiting for this moment to happen for the last two years, or if it was because it was just Dean, I don't know, but from the second his soft, feather light lips touched mine, I could feel the animal within me burst out and take complete control over my actions once more and I deepened the kiss pulling him up against me once more.

If he was shocked at my actions, he didn't show it. He fumbled his hands up to the lapels of my coat and pushed it off my shoulders where it fell to the floor with a soft drop and I growled deep in my throat as my arousal got kicked up making all my nerve endings feel like they were on fire. Dean let out a deep moan as I grab his hips and pulled his body so close to mine nothing could separate us.

I let my fingers trail up under his shirt getting my first shot of running my hands over his flawless back feeling how his muscles moved and pulled under my hands as our bodies swayed together our tongues wrestling against each other's. I slid my hands forcefully down from the top of his back to his lower back earning another moan from Dean and I grabbed the bottom of his shirt and pulled away from him pulling the bottom of his shirt up his torso. I could feel goosebumps break out on his chest. Even though it was dark in my apartment, my eyes had adjusted and I glanced up at Dean as I finished quickly pulling his shirt up and over his head. I didn't get a chance to stare in wonderment at his body before he grabbed my tie and pulled me forcefully to his waiting lips and my knees went rubbery and I clung his exposed back running my hands all over his body finally getting my fill, our mouths devouring each other's.

Dean's hands reached up to the knot in my tie, unraveled it and aggressively yanked it out of my collar and quickly set to work on the buttons of my shirt, my need for him reaching an all-time high. Without unlocking our mouths I quickly ripped my arms out of the shirt and reached for his belt unclasping it and pulled his jeans open revealing his erection bound by his boxers. Slowly I moved my lips down his cheek, then his neck, then his chest ever so slowly pushing his jeans and boxers as I made my way down to his stomach, leaving him completely nude.

Once I reached his pelvis I sank to my knees still streaking my lips and tongue down his body until I reached the prize I was seeking out. I lightly licked his tip and his whole body shook and let out a groan of pleasure. His hands gripped my hair as I began sucking his head swirling my tongue around, moving up and down. Very quickly his hips were rocking in the same tempo as I was moving. Dean was panting and gripping my hair tighter as I rocked back and forth faster, his moans getting louder. I gave him one more lick and pulled away. "Cas, I need you." Dean grunted out as I made my way up his body with my mouth, leaving a trail behind me, when I stopped at his ear.

"Say it again." I demanded as I took small nips at his earlobe causing him to sway into me as he moaned with pleasure again.

"I need you, Cas…please." He begged while his bodyweight was sagging into mine. I slammed my lips against his once more and without breaking contact I started moving to my bedroom until the back of Dean's knees hit the mattress, and he flopped down onto the bed. He grabbed the loops on my slacks undoing them quickly and pushed them down my legs until they were a pile on my floor. He quickly grabbed me and started sucking me with long deep movements causing me to let out a staggered breath, gasping with every move he made.

Moving my hands from his hair I grabbed his shoulders, flipping him around on the bed forcefully and pulled him up onto his knees and I heard him let out a gasp as I slowly pushed into him with my finger, moving slowly as I didn't want to stop and dig out my lube from a box and when the pressure wasn't as tight I added another finger, slowly searching for his prostate, and when I found it, he let out a rugged breath, clutching at the sheets for support as I pulled out of him, pressing myself up against him going slow still. This was his first time and I didn't want to cause any unnecessary pain, but it was torture going so slow. Dean sucked in a sharp burst of air between his teeth with a mixture of pain and pleasure, and it didn't take too long for either of us to get up to tempo, me going deeper and harder inside him.

"Oh Cas, this feel so good." He moaned as I picked up speed. I clutched his hips as he rocked back on me, causing me to go deeper. Letting go of his hips, I reached out grabbing his hair, pulling his head up and arching his back. I could feel the pressure building up as I plunged into him again and again. When Dean let out a scream of pleasure uttering my name, well that was it for me and pushed me over the edge causing me to come moments after he did. Dean fell flat onto the mattress, his breathing very shallow and quick, dripping with sweat.

I collapsed next to him on the mattress trying to catch my breath and reclaim my vision after I had seen stars exploding in my eyes.

After what felt like hours my body calmed down and I turned to look at Dean who had his hands clasped together resting on his chest, his eyes closed. His chest would rise and fall in a steady movement, looking satisfied and content.

"Dean." I whispered leaning up onto my elbow glancing down onto his perfect face. His lips looked slightly larger, and had almost a bruised color to them. I turned completely to the side and reached out and put my hand over his where he opened his fingers wide, letting my fingers slide in-between his. I didn't want to say anything to him, he looked deep in concentration, probably contemplating what just happened. Will he remember this tomorrow? After I kissed him the first time, I felt sobered up, like that kiss blew all the cobwebs out of my head, did he feel the same, or would this just be a huge drunken mistake to him?

I have never felt so spent before. I am no virgin, but I have never experienced anything like what just happened moments ago. The pressure was so intense and the release felt like a dam bursting open, spilling out pleasure upon pleasure to every part of my body.

Very slowly and reluctantly I pulled my fingers out of his hand and stood up. Dean's knees were still hanging off the edge of the bed his feet touching the floor. I padded into the kitchen and grabbed a glass out of the cabinet and filled it with water. I downed it like I was dying of thirst. It quenched my dry throat bringing moisture back into my mouth. After refilling it again I made my way back to my bed to see that Dean had crawled up to the top of the bed, resting on top of the skeets, asleep. I set the glass on the bedside table and walked out again.

After searching in the dark for our clothes, I found Dean's cell and mine and plugged them up in the kitchen. I quietly made my way back to my room. For a moment I stood by the bed and watched him as he slept then I slowly crawled in bed next to him. Before I could get myself settled in, he rolled over to me and pushed his arm under my side, pulled my back to him and wrapped his other arm around my waist. With a deep breath I smiled slightly and fell asleep in seconds feeling a different type of warmth spread through my body, never wanting this moment, this feeling, to end.

X-X

So much smut. Okay I may have been married for over 11 years now, but this was still hard to write, I've just never wrote like this before, so if you don't like it, give me a break haha. Please let me know what you thought of the chapter, since I already have so many chapters written I will update biweekly instead of weekly. I love to hear from my readers, and if you have any ideas, let me know. Thanks for reading, and I hope you review!

Desiree'


	4. The Next Morning

Chapter 4

Bright sunlight filled my bedroom, piercing my eyes causing me to close them tighter, groaning as a pain throbbed in my temples. I flipped over on my stomach and inched myself to the edge of the bed, feeling disorientated as my feet touched the floor and I stumbled into the bathroom and lost whatever was in my stomach as I clutched the cold porcelain. This was horrible, my entire body ached.

After my stomach settled I reached out and turned the nozzle to start the shower. It wasn't until I was halfway through rinsing the soap out of my eyes when I was floored with the memories of the previous night and I stood still letting the water spray on and on. I quickly reached out, shut off the water and stepped out onto the cold tiled floor, letting the water puddle under me. I searched for a towel wrapping it around my middle cautiously moving to the door to peak into my room.

Dean was sprawled out on his stomach, a pillow bunched under his head gripped by his hands. He had one leg hiked slightly up, the sheets pulled haphazardly up to his lower back. I couldn't believe it, it really did happen, it wasn't just a vivid dream and a giddy feeling spread through my stomach. Drying off I quickly grabbed some jeans from the dresser, dressed and left my room, closing the door silently behind me, trying not to wake Dean.

Would he remember? I knew I didn't remember everything, there seemed to be gaps when I tried to remember every detail, but my thoughts betrayed me. Like sand pilling out between my fingers. I could remember the big picture, but small memories would be lost as I tried to capture something specific. Was Dean really okay with what happened? At the time, I seemed to remember him wanting me as much as I wanted him.

Quietly I made my way to the kitchen where I slumped onto the counter feeling a huge dose of satisfaction, when guild and worry suddenly crashed into the pit of my stomach making me encircle my head with my arms, enclosing my vision in darkness, trying to dive deeper into my own subconscious willing myself to pluck the memory of Dean giving the okay. Not that I don't doubt he gave it, but under the influence of liquor it may have been a different answer compared to the rational thoughts of a sober mind.

From what my hungover mind could remember Dean was just as ready as I was, and even though I was drunk too, I felt like I was the one to take advantage of him. One night stands wasn't my style, so when I was with someone it was because we worked up to it in a relationship. Did everyone else who had ever taken part in a one night stand feel like this? No. It was because I was in love with him. This wasn't just an attraction and a means to an end. I held deep feelings for Dean and I didn't want to hurt him, or worse, wreck what we did have. I honestly never thought us being together would actually happen, but I still had him as my best friend and I wanted more, but I was okay with just being friends because that's what he wanted and I would do anything for Dean, even if that included ripping my heart open again and again being…just friends.

Suddenly arms closed around my waist, making me jump. I hadn't even heard Dean come out of my room, I was too busy arguing with myself to pay attention to anything else. Letting my arms drop from my head I straightened up, my nerves making my stomach turn over again. It was obviously a good sign that he had his arms wrapped around me, but the butterflies still fluttered in my stomach. My back was pressed gently against Dean's chest and his arms tightened their hold on me.

Dean had pressed his cheek against the back of my head and I just stood there enjoying the moment of his embrace, making my heart beat even faster, partially from him holding me so close and part of me knowing we would have to talk about what happened the mere hours ago. My nerves were so shot, and I was very hung over. I just want to shut out all my problems.

Taking a deep breath I tried to give myself courage to say the things I needed to say. "I am very hungover Dean." I managed to finally get out, and my eyes slid closed, hatred for myself running deep. That is not what I wanted to say. Dean however let out a quick soft laugh that ruffled my hair slightly.

"That's because you rarely get drunk, so you don't have an immunity to it like I do." He replied softly. Was that him telling me he remembers what happened completely yesterday?

"Cas, I know what's going through your head. I can feel you heart beating a mile a minute. You caught me by surprise last night, but it's not like the thought hasn't crossed my mind a time or two." Dean admitted.

This declaration shocked me. My eyes flew open and I turned around in his arms. "What?" I uttered. I could see a slight smile spread across his lips and he gently placed his forehead against mine.

"Look, I don't want to turn this into a big deal or anything, but I gotta know. Where did you get those sheets? I've never slept on anything so soft before." Dean joked and I couldn't help it, I laughed. He made it clear he was okay with this and didn't need any type of explanation. I felt like I was being let off the hook. Tilting my face up I placed a soft kiss on his lips wrapping my arms around his bare back.

Pulling back, Dean clapped his hands together. "Okay first things first, let's get some coffee in you, trust me, it helps." Dean said as I gave a noise of disgust. My stomach lurched at the thought of eating or drinking anything. Dean grabbed my shoulders and led me to a chair where he pushed me down and started making a pot of coffee.

For the first time I got a glance at him. He was barefooted and wearing his jeans from last night. They were slung low on his hips and he was bare chested, like me. I had to admit seeing him like that turned me on, but the pounding in my head kept distracting me. As he moved around my kitchen I noticed there were several bruises on his back, hips and chest. They weren't huge spots, and another memory came flooding back to me and I could see myself gripping him tightly, pulling and pushing his hips hard against mine.

While he waited for the coffee to start he leaned against the counter, crossed his arms and looked at me quizzically and followed my gaze down to his hips and saw the dark marks that were left from my fingertips. "You know, I don't think I've ever seen you so demanding before."

Heat immediately rushed to my face. He was right, I am not typically a dominating person, and I am as surprised as Dean was by my actions. Dean pushed off the counter and crouched in front of me placing his hand on my shoulder he gave me a smile.

"Don't be embarrassed, and I gotta know, when did you get the tattoo?"

I had completely forgotten about it. That was a huge mistake. "Oh, uh, Trevor thought me getting a tattoo was cool, but after I got them he hated it." I muttered hating the wings on my back. Trevor was an old boyfriend and he bought them. It took several sessions to get it applied. From my shoulder blades down to my lower back were two black angel wings. Trevor thought the idea would be awesome, but didn't like it once finished.

"I think it's hot. I like it." His grin turned sheepish. I felt relieved, not only about last night but about the tattoo. Trevor had made me feel so self-conscience that I almost had it removed, but I couldn't afford it.

Not that Dean ever went into great detail about his sex life with me, to which I was thankful I wasn't sure how I could have listened to that, but I had imagined he would be the demanding one, why was our rolls seemed switched?

Dean got up and grabbed a mug out of the cabinet pouring a full cup and placed it in front of me. "Now if I make toast, would you eat it?" I shook my head no, so he shrugged his shoulders and grabbed some Excedrin and dropped them on the table. "Take those, and drink. I'm gonna take a shower." Dean said as he made his way towards the bathroom. After he was gone I laid my cheek against the cool wood of the table watching the steam rise out of the cup. More and more moments came back to me. I grabbed the pills and swallowed them with my coffee. Dean was right, having something on my stomach did help so I made my way to the toaster and dropped a slice of bread in. I could hear Dean singing in the shower while I waited for my toast.

My cell started to buzz and I picked it up, it was a text from Sam.

 _I've been trying to get ahold of Dean, if he's with you have him call me, or pick up his phone…it's important._

I had five missed calls from last night, but before I got a chance to see who from my toast popped up and I put it in my pocket, I would deal with that later. Carrying my breakfast in hand I walked into my room, wincing as sunlight pierced my eyes once more, with a groan I turned away from the murderous light and grabbed a shirt and a pair of Dean's jeans from the dresser and I heard the water shut off. Moments later he emerged from the bathroom, fog billowing out after him with a towel wrapped around his waist.

Just at the very sight of him I started to get an erection, but my stomach had barely begun to settle, so instead I tossed him his clothes.

"Good thing you had some of my clothes on hand." He said, then a huge smile broke out onto his face, "is that why you always kept my clothes around?"

Taking the last bite of toast, I replied, "no, you're too lazy to pick them up when you've crashed at my place before, your just lucky I clean up after you."

Dean walked up to me, pushing me towards the bed covering his mouth with mine. My earlier concern about my stomach vanished as his mouth devoured mine.

He pushed me back down onto the bed where he climbed on top of me, our lips melding together again. My hand found his and we linked our fingers together and I pulled his arm out, leaving his whole weight pressed down on mine, a moan escaping his mouth. He pulled his lips from mine and made a trail of icy fire down to my neck when I shivered in delight, my breath becoming ragged.

Very slowly he inched his way down to my chest when my phone started to vibrate in my pocket. With a groan I pulled it out of my pocket and started to toss it across the room when I saw who was calling.

"Not that I want to ruin the moment, but why is Lisa calling me?" I asked Dean who looked just as confused as I did. "Dunno, she's been calling me all day yesterday but I never answered."

"Hello?" I answered and heard her let out a sigh of relief when I picked up. "Castiel, is Dean with you?" She asked her voice sounded worried. I looked at Dean and he nodded his head, "uh, yeah, hang one a sec." I replied and handed Dean the phone.

"Uhh, hello?...No, we were out celebrating Cas' new place why?...No Lisa, we don't it's over why the urgency all of a sudden after weeks of silence, we tried to make it work and we couldn't, just leave it be….wait….what?...Say that again…fuck! Are you serious? Don't play games with me Lisa…no I can't right now…because I'm…busy." Dean's eyes flinted up to mine, then quickly moved away. "I can't deal with this right now, I gotta go."

With a shaky voice Dean turned to me and said, "Lisa's pregnant."

X-X

So a cliffhanger! Let me know what you guys thought of the chapter. Thanks for the people who reviewed last chapter, I wrote back but I'm not sure if they went through since the PM things is messed up on my end, I always love to hear where you think the story is going. Right now I'm writting chapter 11, and have so many ideas for the story I can't wait to post them all!

Desiree'


	5. What Now?

There is some 'adult' language in this chapter, you have been warned haha.

Chapter 5

I'm not sure how long we stood there in silence. Dean began to pace around my room and I still sat on the bed trying to just process what was just said. Dean was going to be a dad. Was this why Sam sent me that urgent text this morning and why I had several calls on my phone? Did she try calling Dean last night, unable to reach him and started calling people she assumed he would be with. Thinking back I did remember him checking his phone a lot when he was helping me move. He must have saw who it was and decided not to answer her calls/texts.

"Dean." I started but he put his hand up to stop me.

"No, I can't deal with this. The kid might not even by mine, she cheated on me! How could this happen, we were careful, we always had protection, she told me she used a condom when she fucked him!" Dean yelled still pacing the room.

I didn't know what to say, I was at a complete loss. Dean had never expressed any desire to have kids. This news couldn't have come at a worse time. Though he brushed over us talking about what happened mere hours ago, it was still so new it was raw. I'm not sure he even knew what we were going to do. Up until that phone call it was obvious he didn't want that to be a onetime experience, but did he want to date me? Make this into a relationship, or just fool around and keep it secret. I had done that before, dated someone who was still in the closet and I would eventually grow to resent them, I didn't want to be ashamed of who I was or who I was with, but I would gladly do that for Dean. I would stay in the shadows for the rest of my life if it meant we could be together.

On his tour around my room he stopped by my bed and grabbed his clothes he had tossed there before and jerked them on with shaky movements dumping the towel onto the floor by the bed.

"I need some air." Dean grunted walking out of the room towards the front door and I scrambled off the bed after him, but I head the door slam by the time I reached the front room, my words never leaving my mouth…I'll go with you.

I stood awkwardly in my own front room for a moment before walking back into my room and pulled my shirt back on. When I was nervous or worried I cleaned, so I started to fly around my apartment unpacking and organizing everything, keeping my hands and mind busy, leaving little room for my thoughts to wander to Dean and what was going on with him.

It wasn't until about 7 o'clock that I fell face first on my couch, I had just finished unpacking, and disposed of the empty boxes and eaten a very quick and unsatisfying peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I knew there was no way Dean was going to call because he had stormed out with his phone still sitting on the counter. I had hoped to hear his car rumbling up to the sidewalk, but I never did. I wasn't mad, I was just disappointed that he needed to be alone, but that was very typical of Dean, he needed his own space to work out his frustration.

As I laid face first on my couch I tried to catch my breath, but my phone went off. It was Sam. "Hello Sam." I answered not bothering to turn over.

"Cas, what's going on?" Sam asked. I was not about to betray Dean's trust and go blabbing to Sam.

"You need to ask Dean."

"Well Lisa already told me, she tried calling him, but he wouldn't answer, so she called me upset trying to find him and told her that he was with you. Why didn't you answer when I tried to call?"  
"We were out and didn't hear it go off, then we came back to my place and…crashed." I really wasn't going to tell Sam, it wasn't my place to tell him what happened between us. Dean needed to make that decision for himself.

"Jesus man, what he still at your place when she told him?"

"Yes." I said with a sigh.

"Well, how did he take it?" Worry was in Sam's voice.

"Not well, he left right after and I haven't heard from him since, he left his cell here too. He's probably just driving around trying to clear his head."

"Yeah, shit, this is really messed up." Sam didn't know the half of it.

"I know."

"Hey, Jess and I will stop by sometime next week to check out the new place."

"Okay, see ya." I replied and hung up the phone.

I dropped my phone on the coffee table and continued to lay there misery swelling to every ounce of my being. This situation was royally fucked up. Just when it seemed things were finally going my way did this happen! Now that Dean was going to be a father, did that mean he would still want to be with me? Why was I making this all about me? It was Dean's life that would be changed forever, he would always be a dad from now on…if it was his. I knew I wanted kids, but I didn't think it would be possible unless I wanted to adopt, which would be fine with me, but I could at least choose when to be a dad, this was just forced upon him.

My entire body ached. Partly from last night, and partially from today, moving boxes and moving things around, I could feel my muscles throb and ache. Having a hangover didn't help matter much either. Now that I didn't have any busywork to occupy my mind, I was driving myself crazy. Maybe Dean was right, air might be the best thing, so I rolled off the couch and grabbed my keys off the counter and made my way outside to my very rundown car.

Once out on the road I turned my radio off, it was on Dean's favorite radio station, as usual, it just reminded me too much of Dean and I just wanted to clear my head. Having the same thoughts run around in circles in my head wasn't helping. I just rode around with my windows down letting the night air chill my face. It did help just driving around, my mind was now focused on the open road in front of me, but after an hour of aimless wandering I knew I had to go home.

When I pulled into my drive I could barely move my feet to the door, I was practically dragging my feet I was so exhausted, physically and emotionally. Now that I was home I wanted nothing more than to just crash and sleep for hours finally ending this day, and turning my mind off of Dean for good, but that wasn't going to happen. Dean was sitting in the doorway, his head hung.

"Dean…what are you doing here?" I asked, I was totally caught off guard, I didn't even see his precious Impala parked outside, granted I honestly didn't even look.

"I just…well I…" Dean stammered, but I cut him off by pulling his arm around my shoulder pulling him up from his seated position, he reeked of alcohol, that's why I didn't see his car, he must have walked. I opened the door and managed to pull him through the threshold, closing the door shut with my foot and as gently as I could dropped him onto the couch. He wasn't in any way clear headed enough to talk, so I was just going to leave him on the couch to sleep it off, but before I could go get a blanket out of the closet he grabbed my hand.

"Please Cas, don't leave me." Dean sobbed and I realized tears were coursing down his cheeks, "I can't be along anymore, not anymore, stay with me."

For the last 15 years I would always describe Dean as strong, like nothing could break him, that's why I always looked up to him, he protected me and Sam from bullies when we were kids, then again after I came out, he was there in a way I never would have thought he would be for me, but in the last 24 hours I've seen a completely new side of him. Now he needed protection and he turned to me for it.

"Of course I will." I replied and squeezed in next to him on the couch, wrapping my arms around him and pulling him close. He leaned his head on my shoulder, his whole body was shaking so I held him tighter, telling him over and over that he won't ever be alone again, and we could work through this together. "I won't leave you Dean, you can count on me."

After a while his body stopped shaking and his tears dried on his face. His breathing slowed and his chest rose and fell evenly against mine.

For the first time in my life I would be the one to keep Dean protected, he relied on me, needed me and I wouldn't let him down. This new side of him brought out my fierce side, and I knew I would do anything to keep him happy. I never wanted to see him cry like that again, it ripped my heart in half to see him in so much pain.

We would have been more comfortable in my bed, but I didn't want to wake him, he finally looked at peace asleep in my arms, so I stayed wrapped around him for the rest of the night knowing that tomorrow would be just as hard as today was, but we would do it together and a small smile came to my lips as my eyes finally slipped close as I fell into a peaceful sleep with him resting on me.

X-X

Okay so I left you on a cliffhanger last chapter, hopefully you'll like the outcome of the story. I love where the story is taking me, it's getting so good, and I'm so excited for you as the readers lol. Thank you everyone who added me as a favorite author and story, I love to get those email's that people like my work, and I love responding to reviews, so keep it up guys!

Desiree'


	6. The Talk

This chapter is rated M for the sexual situations.

Chapter 6

It was nice waking up and knowing what happened, and having all your memories in place. Dean and I were still interlinked, his head still resting on my chest. Very slowly I slid out from under him. One thing I've learned over the past few years, Dean is very hard to wake up. When he sleeps, he's like a rock, so I didn't bother to tip toe around, he will wake up when he's ready. First thing I did was take a shower, I was already sweaty and dirty from unpacking and I slept in the same clothes, I felt like I needed a good wash.

Once I was washed, dried, and dressed I walked out of my room and could hear the sound of breakfast being made and my stomach grumbled. I was so busy with worrying over Dean and getting my stuff unpacked and my apartment livable, that I didn't eat much and the smell of frying bacon filled my mouth with saliva as I walked into the kitchen and helped Dean with the food. Things between us were comfortable and relaxed.

"Cas, I need to go see Lisa today." Dean said as we finished our food.

"I imagine you have a lot to talk about." I replied nodding my head. I knew what he was about to go through was going to be rough and I didn't envy him.

"Would you…uh…mind, coming with me?" He said with hesitated and doubt in his voice.

My eyebrows shot up in surprise. I figured he would want to do this alone, but maybe he didn't think he could handle it by himself.

"If you want me too." I managed to get out, my feeling of gratitude for him swelling in my chest. He still needed me, even when he was sober. Would I ever get used to it, or would I always be in doubt of it? Dean headed off to the bathroom to clean up while I did the dishes and waited for him. Once he was ready, we walked out of the apartment, my stomach a big knot of worry and anxiety over what he was going to have to go through with her.

"Where did you leave your car Dean?" I inquired.

"Oh, uh…it's a few blocks down." He admitted sheepishly as we walked to where he left it the previous night.

It wasn't too long of a drive to Lisa's place, but we sat in the car for a long time in her driveway. I reached out and grabbed Dean's hand in mine wishing I could give him the strength he needed, and he squeezed my hand in return and took a deep breath. He released my hand and opened the door, I followed suite and rang Lisa's doorbell.

Dean couldn't stand still, he kept bouncing lightly on his feet and I placed my hand on his shoulder for support when Lisa answered the door and looked at me in confusion, I let my hand slip off of his shoulder.

"Dean, why is Cas with you?" She asked rudely.

"Because I wanted him here, now do you want to talk or not?" Dean retorted, she sighed and stepped aside opening the door wider and let us in. Up until a couple months ago this was the place Dean called home and I had been here often so I knew my way around and made my way to the front room, Dean right behind me, but when I entered the room, there was someone else already seated on the couch, someone I didn't recognize but Dean apparently did.

"What is he doing here?" Dean yelled pointing at the stranger on the couch.

"Dean." Lisa scolded.

"What! You said you wanted to talk but you didn't tell me he would be here." Dean shouted at her causing the stranger to raise from his chair and move in-between Dean and Lisa.

Now I knew who it was, this was the guy Lisa cheated on Dean with. Alex. He got in Dean's face and started yelling at him to leave her alone and I lost it, I grabbed Dean's shirt and pulled him behind me, placing Dean safely behind me and I got in Alex's face and grabbed him by the front of the shirt in my fists. "Back off." I growled and pushed him back a few steps.

"Enough!" Lisa shouted, holding her hands out between us. "Enough, damn Cas, what's gotten into you?" She asked shaking her head. "Alex is here because, well, he lives here now." She admitted, Dean let out a scoff and I felt his hand on my shoulder pulling me back towards the couch. I don't know what came over me, I've seen Dean in more fights then I cared to admit, but this was the first time I ever jumped up to someone who got in his face.

Alex and Lisa saw across from us, I still glared daggers at Alex, though having Dean next to me, calmed me considerably. Lisa was obviously shaken up by the ordeal.

"Well, as you know, the timeline is a little tricky. I'm about 3 months now, so I don't know for sure who the father is." Lisa started out. "I have a friend who owes me a favor, so in a few weeks I'm having an Amniocentesis to determine who the father is, so I'm going to need a DNA sample from you to determine if you're the father. Typically they only do these type of tests if they think that something is wrong with the baby, but she owes me, so we will know for sure who the dad is before the baby's born. Then we'll find out for sure and we can go from there."

"And if I'm the father?" Dean asked, his body going stiff.

"Then you can be as involved as you want to be, but Alex is going to be a part of the baby's life." Lisa said forcefully, putting her hand on his knee. "And if you're not the father, then you can forget this whole mess and move on with your life."

"What about custody?" I interjected.

Lisa frowned at me. "Well, Castiel, I'm not sure why you're here, but that will be up to Dean. Tell me again, why he's here, Dean?" She asked looking at him, irritation ringing in her voice.

Panic gripped me like a vice. I knew I should have just kept my damn mouth closed. Sure, if it were up to me, I would admit it why I was really here, but I've been out of the closet for years now. I don't think Dean has really considered what we mean, or even if he considers himself gay now or what. Sweat popped out of my forehead and I gripped my pants not daring to glance at Dean.

"Not that it's any of _your_ business, but I wanted him here because he's the only one who has managed not to royally screw me over." Dean remarked and placed his hand over mine. His hand was sweaty too, so I knew he was just as nervous as I was. From the tone of his voice, I knew he was carefully saying everything that came out of his mouth.

When Dean didn't immediately remove his hand from mine, Lisa looked at our hands for a moment, then back up at Dean and let out a bark of a laugh.

"Oh my god, don't tell me. He's turned you! I told you Cas loved you when we were together, but nooooo, he was 'just a friend'…well look at you now." Lisa spit out, her face going red.

My face turned beet red. I thought I had controlled my feelings very well around everyone, but apparently not as well as I had thought. Not only did other people know how I felt, but so did Dean, and Lisa had been the one to tell him. Was I that obvious?

Dean remained silent and kept his grip on my hand. "When you need my DNA just tell me and I'll be there. As for what I do is none of your business anymore, and depending on what the test says, well, that will depend on our contact for the future." Dean spit out then stood up and pulled me along after him, his hand still locked with mine, the redness starting to leave my face as we walked back to his car, slamming the door behind us.

"Have you really thought about this?" I asked once we were back in his car. Did I really just ask that? For the love of god, why? If he was okay with it, just let it be, don't poke the sleeping dragon! Dean leaned over and kissed me, my worries leaving the moment his lips touched mine.

"Cas, have I ever told you, you worry too much?" He pulled the car out of the driveway and started heading back to my place.

"Yes, all the time." I replied trying to get my heart rate back to normal.

"I think you need some stress reliever." Dean smirked as he placed his hand over my crotch and started to rub.

A sigh slipped through my lips as I started to get hard. By the time we reached my place, we were both past the testing point and we quickly made it to the door, closing it shut behind us.

Neither of us wanted to make it for the bed, from the second the door closed, I pulled his pants down, him pulling mind down and I bent him over the couch and pushed into him. He let out a groin, probably more from pain and the sudden intrusion, but very quickly we were both groaning in pleasure as we worked up to climaxes, then fell panting on the couch.

"Feel relaxed now?" Dean asked between shallow breaths, and I laughed and couldn't help but roll my eyes as I tried to calm my breathing.

X-X

So I just wanted to give a huge thank you to the people who has started following the story, I get way too excited when I see the notifications in my e-mail. I'm like a kid at Christmas haha. Okay back to the story, so a little bit of naughty play there at the end. I hope you like where the story is going with Cas, Dean and Lisa, a nice little twist there. Please review, make my day, I have a hard job lol, today alone I took almost 300 calls by myself, I need some cheering up lol.

Desiree'


	7. Who's Your Daddy

Chapter 7

The next two weeks wasn't completely easy. I knew it was driving Dean insane not knowing if he was going to be a dad or not, but he tried not to dwell on it knowing there was nothing he could do about it anyways, but sometimes when we were together I would see his eyes glaze over and I knew he was thinking about it. Since we left Lisa's she had only texted him the date, time and place for the appointment and what he would need to do, and it just didn't sit with him very well.

Not that we exactly announced us being together, the people we actually cared about, my dad, Dean's parents, Sam and Jess, well they knew. Not everyone was exactly thrilled but it didn't matter to us. We were together and happy so we didn't care. Before Dean and Lisa broke up, they had been living together, then when he decided he couldn't forgive her for what she had done, he had temporarily moved back in with his parents and was looking for a place and I had asked if he just wanted to stay with me since he was staying with me pretty much all the time anyways, it just made sense and he didn't' have to keep telling Mary that he wouldn't be coming home.

We told the Winchesters and we packed up the few boxes of stuff Dean had, it wasn't much. His dad was furious, and started yelling at id came to blows before Mary stopped it. John had punched me right across the jaw and knocked me down. "We let you stay here for years! How could you do that to us Castiel?" John spat at me, and I hung my head in shame. I wasn't going to fight him and did feel guilty that this was the way it came about, but Dean pushed him away from me and helped me up. John stormed out muttering about his disgrace of a son. Mary was much more understanding, I had a feeling she knew before we told her, but Dean kept the information about Lisa quiet for now since we didn't know for sure yet, and why worry her with something that might not even pan out? Jess and Sam pretty much followed the same path as Mary, though Sam seemed more surprised, but he didn't make a big deal over it, and we went on like nothing changed.

Dean and I still had our regular lives, despite the fact that we couldn't keep our hands off each other when we were alone. He would go to work, just like I did, then we would spend the whole night just being together. I had never had a relationship like this before. Dean and I already knew each other so well that there was no need for the get to know you phase, that had been years in the making, the only things we needed to get familiar was with our bodies, and we lost no time in doing just that.

Then the morning came, we would hear a yes or a no, and I found myself just as nervous as Dean was. Typically I would make breakfast for the two of us, and Dean would make dinner, though we usually just went out, that morning I had burnt the eggs because my mind was elsewhere but I don't think Dean could have eaten anyways, I know I couldn't and I dropped the skillet into the sink to deal with later, then we were both off. I went to work and Dean had to go and give his DNA sample. I got a text from him telling me it would take 24 to 48 hours for the DNA to process.

The clock never moved so slow as it did that day, and finally it was time to go home, even just getting home took ages, but I made it and found Dean just sitting staring blankly at the T.V. a beer in his hand, but it doesn't look as if he had actually drank any of it just yet. The next two days were going to be really rough on him, so naturally it would be for me too, what affected Dean, affected me now.

As much as I wanted to call in the next morning I didn't, we might not even find out today, Lisa said between 24 to 48 hours, and it would be our luck for us to wait the 48 hours instead of 24, so I wasn't surprised when I didn't get word from Dean during the day, I had just assumed we haven't found out anything yet. I felt like my mind was going through the wringer and my stress level was so high I felt like I was going slowly insane, so when I got home that night I was surprised when the apartment was completely dark.

"Dean?" I called out into the seemingly empty place and got no response, so I started to panic slightly. He was always home before me, even if he brought takeout home, so I decided to call him even though I had seen his car out front. His phone buzzed to life on the table next to the door, so I hung up and panic swelled even more in my chest now. I could drive around looking for him, but what would be the point? It was obvious he needed space to clear his head.

With a sigh I thought taking a hot shower would help and I could get lost in the steam and fog letting the hot water unkink the knots in my back and neck, but I almost yelled out because Dean was in the tub, in the dark, his head tilted back and eyes closed.

"Jesus, you scared me." I whispered trying to get my heart to stop jumping so rapidly in my chest.

"It's mine." Dean uttered, no emotion showing on his face.

I walked over to the tub and knelt down next to him. "So what now?" I asked quietly.

"Lisa wanted to know how involved I wanted to be." Dean finally opened his eyes, they were red. "I told her I needed to think about it, but either way, I'm still going to be a dad from now on." A tear fell down his cheek. "What do I do Cas?"

I grabbed his hand in mine. "What does your gut tell you?"

"That I want this kid in my life." Dean admitted.

"Then there you go."

Without warning Dean wrapped his arms around my neck and pulled me into the water fully clothed. Water spilled out onto the floor, but neither of us cared and we just held onto each other for a long time. The water started to get cool so I climbed out and Dean let me take care of him, he was almost a zombie as he crawled in bed curling up next to me resting on my chest. We didn't need words, just comfort.

"You're sure she knows I'm coming this time?" I asked for the third time since we left the apartment.

"Yes, she wasn't thrilled, but that's not up to her." Dean replied with a sigh and grabbed my jittery hand in his. How did he manage to calm my very soul just by one touch? "Alex is gonna be there, so I want you there with me." Dean said as we pulled up to Lisa's house.

Walking up to the door felt so much different this time, this was not going to be a friendly get together, problems needed to be solved and the future of his child was being decided upon. Tension had built up to a point where Lisa was holding information back and Dean had had enough, it was time to sort this out and set the path straight once more. Hopefully things would get to a point where we were at least cordial with each other. I didn't expect her to be best friends with us, but Dean was the father of her child and he had rights too.

Once seated at the dining room table Lisa got started. "So you want at least joint custody?" Lisa repeated.

"I want to be a part of this kids' life from the start, he is mine after all." Dean pointed out. "You need to stop holding back information I deserve to know."

"And how would that work, living arrangements, child care, and things like that? I head you two are living together now, I'm not okay with that."

Dean turned slightly looking at me, we thought this might be something she would bring up. "Yes, we do live together, we do have more than 1 room in our apartment you know, what do you object to exactly?"

"Just this." Lisa indicated her hand pointing between us, and Dean just raised his eyebrow.

"Does he stay here?" Dean asked pointing at Alex and Lisa rolled her eyes.

"That's different Dean."

"How so? I don't know this guy, who knows how he would treat my kid, you at least know Cas."

Lisa remained silent. "Look, Sam has given me some free advice, I know everything needs to be legal and I'm find with that, but don't take things away from me just because of who I'm in a relationship with. Would you feel this way if I was with another girl instead of Cas? No, you wouldn't. If I have to I will take this to court, but I want us on good terms, it would make things a lot easier, especially on the kid."

Dean and I had gone over what to say, and above all, stay calm. Under the table his grip on my hand was like a vice. Lisa took a deep breath, "You're right, I do want things to go smoothly. I don't want to have to drag this out in the courts, maybe we can come up with something."

His hand eased up the pressure slightly. "Now what about everything you're keeping from me?" Dean asked.

"Like what?"

"Like if you know the sex of the baby, when are you due, did anything else show up on the amnio…thing." Dean listed.

"It's a boy, I'm due on March 19th, and he is perfectly healthy."

A sigh escaped Dean's lips. A boy and he's healthy, he let out a nervous laugh.

"If you were going to keep things at least civil, I'll keep you updated on appointments and anything else you need to know regarding the baby."

"Can I be there when he's born?"

"I can't stop you from being at the hospital, and I'll think about if you can be in the room during labor, but not the delivery." Lisa said firmly.

"Okay, well Sam said we could use him to make everything legal, and we won't have to pay expensive fees that usually comes from this." Dean said.

"Let me think about it." Lisa replied nodding her head. The conversation came to a close, we accomplished what we set out to do, now we only had to wait. The next 6 months seemed so far away, but hopefully they wouldn't be as rough as the last few weeks.

On the way home Dean called his mom and finally told her the news. I could hear her happy shouts about her becoming a grandmother, Dean didn't ask about his dad. Things had finally seemed to be on track once more, and Dean was more like himself again, I actually saw hope in his eyes once more.

X-X

Okay so I hope everyone enjoyed Season 12 of Supernatural, it's 7 minutes and counting for me! I just want to give a special shout out to everyone who has Favorited my story, or has started following it. I hope you can take just a few seconds to let me know what you think of the story so far, I would really appreciate it, I like hearing from the fans.

Desiree'


	8. What Was That About?

This chapter has 'foul' language and sexual situations.

Chapter 8

Tonight we were going to leave our worries behind us, not going to worry about frustrations from work, the fact that things were worse than ever with Dean's dad, not worry about bills, and most importantly things with Lisa and the baby. It was going to be just Dean and I out on the town relaxing and just having a good time with each other since from the very start of our relationship a huge bomb was dropped on Dean.

We ended up going to a bar my co-worked had told me about. Dean was excited to try something new, get out of our heads, and just do things a normal regular couple would do. Of course, we weren't a 'normal' couple. Sometimes people would give us dirty looks if we even did something as G rated as possible, like hold hands. Not that either of us cared, if people had a problem with that, well that was on them, not use.

It's not like we paraded around town or anything, not that we didn't want too, that just wasn't our style. Since our talk with Lisa she was at least texting Dean over minor things. Things like the baby is getting fingers and he's as big as a peach, it actually made us both happy to get a progress report on how things were going. I was trying to do my part and got some books that I thought Dean should read since he is an expecting father, but he just pushed them back to me and said it would just come to him when the time came, so I read them. Dean at least had some experience with kids since he has a younger brother. I didn't have that experience being an only child.

To people other than myself and Dean, I was labeled as the 'girl' of the relationship and that was fine, people could think whatever they wanted, but Dean and I knew differently. This was the first time Dean was told what to do in bed instead of the other way around and he told me he liked it. He said he got all tingly when I take over like that and no matter how many times I've been with him, as soon as we start to fool around my body takes over and nothing else matters.

Dean and I were seated at the bar just minding our own business and having a good time together. We had already eaten and were just watching the football game that was on the big screen. Neither of us were super into sports, but we kept up with a few games. We really had more on our plates then to get too involved with something like sports, but tonight we didn't care and we cheered with everyone else when something good happened, groaned with something bad happened, then dean turned to me getting closer to my ear since it was so loud, he pretty much had to put his lips right up to my ear to talk, which sent shivers down my spine.

"We need to do this more often." Dean shouted and placed his hand on my knee.

I nodded my head and turn to him, "Don't I know it." I shouted back. We sometimes just get so mixed up with everything else, we forget we need to live our own lives. We were still a couple. A new couple at that and didn't need this much stress and anxiety shoved on us.

"Hey do ya mind?" Some guy shouted at me and I looked at him quizzically and shrugged my shoulder, I wasn't doing anything so I had no idea what he was on about, so I went back to watching the game with Dean but I felt a tap on my shoulder, it was Hannah, my co-worker who had recommended this place.

"Dean this is Hannah," I shouted to Dean and they shook hands.

"It's nice to finally meet the guy Castiel is always going on about, you are one lucky man Dean Winchester." She joked.

Dean laughed, "trust me, I know." He replied with a quick wink in my direction.

"C'mon, I asked nicely once, I don't want to see that shit on my night off." The same guy from before yelled at me.

"Excuse me?" I yelled back totally confused.

"You and your queer boyfriend should go somewhere else so I don't have to look at that."

I felt like someone had just slapped me. Hannah looked shocked but Dean looked pissed.

"Hey fuck off man, were not bothering you, and minding our own business, watch the game instead of starting at us." Dean yelled back at him standing up which caused the other guy to get up in Dean's face already drawing a crowd of onlookers and he shoved a stubby finger in Dean's chest and Dean shoved it away.

"What the fuck is wrong with you? How were we bothering you? What because were together, well fuck you."

"Dean, just forget it, he's drunk, just let it go." I said trying to calm him down. We were supposed to be relaxing, not getting in fights with incompetent morons.

"Just listen to your little bitch and move on." He taunted and I saw the fury in his eyes.

"So us talking in front of you bothers you huh?" Dean yelled his hands forming fists, then he turned to me and gave me a kiss, but he was pulled back from me quickly, and was spun around by the drunk guy and he punched Dean in the stomach causing him to double over clutching his middle.

Without thinking I reeled back and punched him right across the jaw, my hand exploding into a wave of pain. People had hit me before, but I had never punched anyone and my hand throbbed and ached, but I didn't let that stop me, I hit him again, then moved around Dean so he was now behind me and I kicked him in the knee causing him to stumble down to the ground and I moved to punch him again but I felt strong arms grab me around the waste and pull me back. It was Dean.

"That's enough." Dean grumbled in my ear but all I saw was red and I moved to hit him again despite Dean's warning, but he held me tighter from behind and started to pull me back. Since I couldn't hit him, I resolved to yelling.

"How's that huh, you got beat up by one lowly gay man. Feel tough now? Fuck you." I yelled at him while Dean continued to pull me away from him and the crowd filled in around the guy down on the grown, now bleeding profusely.

Hannah, who had watched the whole thing pan out, followed us stating how sorry she was for causing this but Dean told her not to worry and she said she would see me at work, I was still too mad to really acknowledge her. Dean finally moved us closer to the door where there were less people and we didn't need to shout to be heard. Dean gingerly grabbed my right hand and held it up to look at it. The knuckles were red and already starting to swell slightly. Now that the adrenaline had started to wean off, I could feel the pain in my hand. It throbbed with each heartbeat and was starting to ache.

"You need ice." Dean said looking at my hand still. "Plus we need to get out of here before the cops come. Let's go home and get your hand fixed up."

I nodded and we left the bar walking home in silence. This was my first fight, well my first fight that I wasn't being pounded on. It didn't matter that I 'won', I knew I didn't want to do it again. My hand felt worse, and the achy feeling was reaching up my arm to my shoulder.

"Well that was a surprised." Dean said once we were home and an icepack sat gingerly on my knuckles. "I'm always the one who fights not you…what happened?" Dean asked sitting next to me his arm around my shoulder.

I wasn't sure what came over me. Furry for one. Dean and I wasn't showing any type of affection at the bar for that dumbass to get mad over, so why the attitude? Seeing Dean double over in pain brought a side of myself I've never seen before. It was more than just wanting to protect him, I wanted to cause that guy pain. A lot of pain.

"I don't know, I couldn't stand to see someone hit you, and I just lost it." I replied leaning into him and he held me closer.

"I'm not happy your hurt, but I have to admit it, that was hot." Dean whispered in my ear and sent chills running down my body, and it wasn't caused by the ice on my hand. "If I had known you could throw a punch like that I would have let you fight your own battles in school." Dean said and placed a kiss on my neck and I groaned out, the throbbing in my hand didn't seem important as he pushed me flat on my back on the couch. Very slowly his hands pulled my tie off and undid my buttons to my shirt leaving my chest exposed and worked his way down to where my slacks laid on my hips and even more slowly undid my pants.

"Stop teasing me, I need you." I moaned out as he lightly teased me with his tongue all over my body.

"No, I think I will torture you, slowly, and you will lay back and take it like the naughty boy you are." Dean whispered, and just as he promised he took his time, and I laid back and took it, just like he said and I enjoyed every second of it.

X-X

Okay so first things first, I was in a really bad mood when I wrote this, my co-workers left me high and dry, so I needed an outlet and writing is what I turned to, so I hoped you like it! Wow, so many reviews, I loved going over them and replying to them, and thanks to everyone who is now following the story. Okay so did anyone catch the live facebook streaming by Misha Collins regarding Cas' name? Apparently the writers spell it Cass, and not Cas, which is how I've always spelled it, what do you think? Review and let me know how you prefer the spelling.

Desiree'


	9. Nesting

Chapter 9

Updates from Lisa would only come when Dean asked at first, then she would start to contact him for big moments, when she first felt the baby move, when she had a doctor's appointment, things of that nature. Although Dean never said he wanted kids, as her due date got closer, he got more excited and nervous. I figured he really felt like a dad as it got closer and closer. Even I felt like I was a part of it as much as Dean.

Lisa slowly got used to us being together, knowing if Dean was going to be in the picture, then so would I. This might not have been ideal, but Dean had made it very clear, I was a part of his life, so the baby would be too. I think Alex had a big problem with this and ended up leaving Lisa over it. After he left she had gotten really depressed and sickly, so Dean and I tried to help out as much as possible, but her next visit we found out what was really going on and why she felt the way she did. She was having problems with her blood pressure. It ended up being a problem to live alone, so a friend of hers moved in with her and Lisa was put on bed rest. The baby was okay and her doctors started seeing him more to monitor her and the baby, that was a shock to us.

Now Lisa was 7 months pregnant. Things with her blood pressure were about the same, but Dean and I constantly had our phones with us at all times in case she ever needed anything. Things at home settled into a nice routine with us in the last several months. It was something we both relied on. I liked it because when I was growing up nothing was ever a constant with me. I never knew when dad would be home and if he was going to make dinner or help me with my homework, I hated that. I liked knowing what time Dean would be home, what we had in our fridge, things like that. Dean seemed to like the routine too, maybe it was because of the way he was raised. Don't fix something that isn't broken.

I was standing in the kitchen doing the dishes when Dean's arms wrapped around my chest under my arms and he rested his cheek on my head. It was moments like that, just the two of us, when I knew I truly loved Dean. I thought I had loved him before, but that was nothing compared to what I felt now, yet I still haven't told him. It's not that I doubted how he felt about me, no he made it very clear. I just felt my mouth dry up and the words becoming jumbled when those three words would start to pour out of my mouth.

At first I didn't say it because we were so new to the relationship. I didn't want to feel like the desperate teenager confessing his undying love to him. I had seen firsthand when the L word was dropped how quickly Dean would drop them, at least that's how it used to be, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Now I've got it in my head that it needs to be something big and I end up feeling like it's too sappy. Dean doesn't like 'chick' moments.

Dean didn't pull away, he just stood behind me, holding me. I finished up the dishes and this moment felt right. "Dean I."

"Cas do." We both started at the same time and he chuckled, his laughter blowing across my ear and he nudged me, telling me to go on, but instead I dried my hands off and turned around in his arms, my nerves getting the best of me, the butterflies in my stomach were fluttering around. I leaned my forehead against his and sighed letting my eye's slip close, just living in the moment. "Dean, I love you." I whispered not opening my eyes. I couldn't stand it if I saw disappointment in those green eyes of his.

"Hey, what's the look of worry Cas?" Dean asked softly. He shook me slightly. "Are you worried I wouldn't say it back?"

Desperately I wanted to shake my head no and play it off as no big deal, but I couldn't. I opened my eyes and he had a smile on his lips. "Cas, I love you too. You worry too much, how could you have any doubt?" He asked, my heart fluttering in my chest. Hope and love coursed through my entire body. In that moment, nothing else mattered in the world. Apparently Dean knew how this weighed on me and just stood there holding me.

After a few more moments he pulled away. "Not that that wasn't long overdue, but dishes are done, it's time to work on the baby's room."

Slowly Dean and I were working on the second bedroom, we both knew he wouldn't be able to stay with us for an extended period of time for a while, but I felt it was important to get it ready. I thought it would help Dean feel more involved in the process since he wasn't there for the small things and it did seem to help. Though he still didn't read any of the books I had bought, I was happy he was getting excited and involved.

The first thing I wanted to do was paint the walls as they were stark white. Dean would have been just fine leaving it white, but I felt it was too sterile…too clean. Like in a hospital and I wanted it to feel like home. I ended up getting a light blue and a dark green to cover the walls and Dean helped paint, though he cursed the whole time saying it was fine the way it was.

Mary had saved Sam's old crib. It had been in their garage since Sam outgrew it and she gave it to us. It had been sitting in the corner of the room for weeks now, and I finally told Dean if he didn't put it together I would and probably screw it up since there wasn't any instructions to go with it. Dean's pride was too big to let me put it together, so I sat in the room and watched him assemble it while his rock music played on his phone. Dean thought I was getting in too deep with all the baby stuff, but I felt like it was the only thing I was actually able to do.

My mind started to wander to the moment in the kitchen. I still couldn't believe he loved me too. For years I had harbored on the fact that I loved my best friend and I saw him with so many other people. I couldn't imagine him ever wanting to be with me. Even after all these months of us being together I would still question it, but now, well I can rest easy knowing the love was mutual and it's not just one sided. I couldn't believe I had built this moment up in my head for so long. I didn't need some big move to tell him I loved him, I should have just told him months ago. No. The way it happened was perfect.

This is not the way I would have thought our lives together would be like. I'm sure Dean didn't either. Finding out Lisa was pregnant with his son really did a number on him and I wasn't sure if he was ready for it or not, but Dean is surprising in so many ways. Even though I've known him for years and thought I knew him, I was still learning new things about him and I'm sure it was the same way for me too.

"Earth to Cas…come in Castiel." Dean shouted at me pulling me out of my own thoughts, Dean was looking at me expectantly.

"What?" I asked.

"Are you gonna help me or what?" He asked impatience in his voice, I got up to hold onto one side of the crib while he set to work on the rails of the bed.

Very Dean to have that caring moment, then back to business as usual. Before we became us, I had rarely seen dean emotional, it was what was at hand, deal with the situation and move on, so the few moments of caring and love was more than I had expected. Since emotion doesn't come very often from Dean, well not emotion…caring, love, I cherished every moment. Not that I knew for certain, he loved me. I felt more…secure.

X-X

Okay, don't hate me for not updating this past Friday. On Thursday afternoon I was hit hard with dizzy spells, so bad my hubby had to come and get me. Friday I was told I had Vertigo, so I was at home in bed resting this Friday, but I hope you liked the love in this chapter! Thank you to the guest review, and everyone else who reviewed, I really like hearing from the fans. Also thank you to anyone who was started following the story, this really means a lot to me.

Desiree'


	10. Can't We Get a Break?

Chapter 10

Dreams are weird. I have dreams that I know I'm dreaming, but I still carry on with the dream, why try to wake myself when it's just a dream. A good one at that. No worries about what will happen, no pain, no problems, just blissful peace. That was what was happening tonight, some strange dream about going down a two lane highway in the Impala with Dean behind the wheel, nothing but asphalt in front of us, when Dean's phone when off, but it was far too loud to be coming from his pocket, we were sitting right next to each other in the car, how could it be that loud? That's when I woke up. Dean's phone was really ringing and my heart started to pound.

Calls in the middle of the night were never good, they always brought fear, worry and tears. Dean fumbled in the dark to find his phone and answered. "Hello?" Dean asked his voice thick with sleep. I was already alert when Dean sat up in bed. "Okay, were on the way."

Something was wrong. "Cas, get up, Lisa is having contractions and she's at the hospital." Dean said while trying to pull on his jeans over his boxers. Quickly we got dressed and rushed to the hospital where we met Lisa's roommate Meg. Thankfully she already knew the weird situation we were all in, so no need to explain.

"What happened?" Dean asked once we were in front of Meg.

"She started having contractions, they were all over the place for the last few hours, so we thought maybe just Braxton Hicks contractions, but then they started getting harder and closer together, so I brought her here." Meg replied wringing her hands.

Since Lisa had been having problems with her blood pressure, Dean and I had been on high alert. The baby seemed fine, but it was Lisa who was having the most problems. According to what I had read, we really needed to monitor her when it came to her labor because her blood pressure could bottom out or get too high and tax her body, already more than it was during labor. It was a scary thought.

"Thanks for calling." I said softly placing a hand on her shoulder. Worry was etched all over her face.

"Son of a bitch!" Dean shouted out making Meg jump. "Well what are they saying?" Dean demanded.

"I don't know yet, we've only been here for a little while, but there doing tests." Tears sprung to her eyes.

"Dean." I said sternly, "This isn't her fault, she's scared enough as it is."

"I'm gonna go see her." Dean muttered shaking his head and walked to the nurse's station.

There was no way I was going to be able to go back there, so I gently led Meg to the waiting room to have a seat an wait until Dean came back out to tell me how she was doing. The moment we sat down, Meg burst into tears. Crying women made me very uncomfortable and I didn't know what my role here would be. Meg was Lisa's best friend, so we knew each other, but I always got the feeling she wasn't very fond of me. Maybe Lisa had confided to Meg about her suspicions of me being in love with Dean, and she was being loyal to her friend. I never held it against her thought.

I shifted in my seat next to her and awkwardly put my arm around her shoulder and she turned and wrapped her arms around me, continuing to cry on my shoulder. I patted her still feeling very awkward. I never knew how to handle women, let alone emotional women. They made me uncomfortable and I tended to just clam up. Once she had cried herself out, she pulled away, apologized for breaking down on me, and sat back in her chair silently.

It was about 2 in the morning and the adrenalin rush had wore off long ago. I leaned my head back with my eye's closed, exhaustion running deep. It seemed I was in that place between awake and asleep when I felt a hand on my shoulder. My eyes flew open immediately to find Dean shaking me awake.

"Baby's fine." Dean answered gruffly knowing that's what was about to spill out of my mouth. "It's false labor, but there worried about Lisa. Her body is all out of whack and there gonna keep her for a few days, at least. She's finally asleep, I told her before she went over that we would be back tomorrow….er…today. Meg is gonna stay till 8 or so, then she has to get to work."

Dean's eyes were red, he was beyond exhausted and looked like he hadn't slept at all. Things with Lisa were getting bad and there was nothing we could do about it, so Dean and I silently walked to the Impala and I drove us home where we both crashed the moment our heads hit the pillow. Only an hour after I fell asleep my alarm went off. With a soft groan I rolled over and shut it off. It would be so easy to just roll over and go back to sleep, but no. It was 7:30 and I had only a few hours of sleep, but I knew I needed to call Dean's job and tell them and tell them he wouldn't be coming in today, then I called my job. I was going to let Dean sleep, he was up all night, and even though I only had a few hours, it was more than Dean, so I would go sit with Lisa.

I quickly wrote a note telling Dean where I would be and not to worry. As quietly as I could I left our apartment and drove to the hospital where I met Meg leaving.

"She's still asleep so be quiet." Meg warned me and I silently let myself into her room. Lisa was indeed still sleeping, her chest lightly rose and fell. She had some type of band thing over her stomach hooked to a monitor that showed the baby's heart rate and a blood pressure cuff wrapped around her arm, and an IV in the other hand. She looked pale compared to her typical tan skin.

Still making sure to be quiet, I sat in the chair Meg had occupied moments before. As much as I wanted to close my eyes and sleep, I just couldn't do it. As we made our way home only hours before, Dean had told me the doctors were really worried. Not so much about the baby, but more about Lisa. There should be no reason her body was reacting the way it was. None of her family had this type of history, so it was a mystery to them, leaving Dean pissed since they seemed they could do so little to help her.

About 20 minutes into me being there a nurse came in to check the baby's heart monitor and Lisa's blood pressure.

"How's she doing?" I whispered not wanting to wake Lisa.

"About the same, her contractions have slowed and are irregular, and she hasn't dilated anymore." She replied in the same quiet voice I was using.

"How much is she dilated?" I asked surprised. Dean hadn't said anything about her being dilated.

"Right now she's about 2 centimeters, which isn't too bad, but her cervix is already starting to thin as well, so her body is getting ready for labor 15 weeks too early, so were trying to keep it at bay for now, she received a steroid shot last night and will get another one this afternoon. That's for the baby, help him speed up the process of growth in case she starts going into labor again. Didn't the nurse go over all this with you last night?" She asked.

"Oh no, I wasn't in here last night, but out in the waiting room." I replied sheepishly. The doctor might know about our 'special arrangement' but I wasn't about to bring it up with everyone. They would eventually figure it out.

"Well if you need anything else, just push the button, but I'll be here taking care of her all day and check on her every hour or so." She said and left leaving the two of us alone again.

Lisa moved slightly in her sleep, her brow was furrowed leaving me to think she was having a nightmare. From what I had read, pregnancy can bring on very vivid dreams. I moved my chair closer to the bed and lightly held her hand. I gently placed my other hand on her forehead. "Ssshhh, everything's going to be okay Lisa. You'll be fine, the baby too, just relax." I tried to say as soothingly as I could and just repeated it over and over until she became still once more, drifting back into a deep sleep. I took my hand off her forehead, but held onto her hand still. She had gripped it earlier and hadn't let go, so I wouldn't be the one to let go.

It was about another half an hour that I sat completely still holding onto her hand before she woke up. The doctors had apparently given her something to help with sleep because she seemed to wake up groggy. After blinking a few time she seemed to finally recognize that I was even there.

"Cas?" She croaked out.

"Yeah?"

"How long have you been here? Where's Dean?"

"We left about 5 this morning and Meg stayed until 8 and I came back to watch over you. I left Dean at home so he could sleep, but I didn't want you to wake up alone, so I called in so I could stay with you."

Lisa squeezed my hand again and I saw tears spring to her eyes, and I thought she was in pain and I was getting ready to call a nurse, but she pulled me in closer and hugged me, leaving me speechless.

"Thanks." She replied her tears turning into sniffles. "I'm sorry I made such a fuss about you and Dean, I'm glad he has you to take care of him…and now me."

In less than 12 hours I've had 2 women cry on me, and I still didn't know how to respond. I relied on the only move I knew, I patted her hand. "You hungry?" I asked and she nodded her head, so I called the nurse in to see what she could have to eat.

X-X

Happy Halloween!Okay so I didn't get to post last Friday either, don't hate me. This vertigo thing is really terrible. I got so dizzy when I woke up on Friday that I actually fell trying to wake my kids up. I hope everyone likes this chapter, even though things are not in the best place right now. For my guest reviewer: Your review has really touched me, thanks for the wonderful words, and I hope you continue to read and review! So for Halloween I'm going as Castiel and when I was out and about with my kids this weekend for a thing in town I had like 4 people stop me and ask for my picture, this fandom really is the best! Have a safe Halloween and please review!

Desiree'


	11. Breaking the Routine

This chapter is rated M for language and sexual situations

Chapter 11

Being at the hospital with Lisa was rough, she was put on complete bedrest which meant she was getting released anytime soon. Her contractions were still going on, but they were erratic and she wasn't dilating anymore, which was good news. It was her blood pressure that was the problem and it was causing us all to get worried. We knew it was a problem before, but not it's getting worse and the medication wasn't helping much anymore, leaving us all frustrated.

It was hard for me to miss work, it required my staff to completely reschedule all my patients, and Dean had a hard time getting off at the garage too, they were just too far behind and couldn't let him off as much as he wanted to be, but Lisa was okay during the day. She knew we all had jobs, and didn't want us to completely change our lives to sit with her at the hospital, so we always sat with her after work. We would meet up at the hospital after work was done and spend a few hours with her, trying to just keep her company. Dean was always there before me though. I was now having my staff try to thin down my afternoons, since we couldn't see her going home in the near future.

As much as we both hated to, we did have to leave and go home to sleep. We were barely home anymore, either working or at the hospital, and even though we were worried about Lisa and the baby, we were starting to get on each other's nerves, mostly between Lisa and Dean. Even if she hadn't cheated on Dean, they wouldn't have made it, they were just too different. Dean tried to hide his frustrations, but it was hard on Dean just sitting around doing nothing. It wasn't Lisa's fault though, so he only ranted to me on the drive home where we could crash moments after getting home. It had been 3 weeks since being at the hospital and every moment she was pregnant was a step in the right direction for the baby, as long as her health was okay too, well that was a good day.

"Damnit Cas!" Dean shouted. I let out an exhausted sigh, our tensions were high at the moment. Lisa had had a bad night, we had just been sitting in her room watching television, just trying to keep her spirits up like we every night, when she had really bad pain from some strong contractions. "I thought they were supposed to stop this from happening!"

"Dean relax, she's fine now, and so is the baby." I interjected laying a hand on his shoulder, though it had been really scary there for a while. They baby's heart rate had dropped and they were trying to get it back up by getting the baby active in the womb and at the same time, her own blood pressure had dropped dangerously low once more. They had warned us they may need to do an emergency C-section if they couldn't get everything settled back to normal, but thankfully it did.

"I can't take it anymore, I'm losing my mind with worry, I can't relax, and I'm going outta of my fucking mind here!" Dean shouted driving down the road.

"I know, it's not the ideal situation, maybe we should have Meg with her tomorrow and we can take a night off, it would be good to not think about this for a few hours."

Dean sighed, this is something I suggested from time to time, but we both never wanted to not see how she was doing, even with all the stress it brought. Every time we walked in, her face would light up like we were her favorite people in the world, but I could only imagine after only seeing nurses all day, a friendly face was a nice change. Especially when Dean would send me a text letting me know what she was craving, and I would go get it for her. Right now she tended to want strawberry milkshakes and green apples. Dean thought it was a weird craving, but I've heard weirder things from the nurses who come in when I bring her food in.

Once home, we both crashed immediately, tomorrow was Saturday, so no work, but we told Lisa we would be back early enough to check on her. We would have stayed overnight, but the nurses told us they gave her something to keep the contractions mild and to help her sleep, but if anything got worse again, they would call us. Meg had told us she would be there early so we would have the morning to take it easy, and not rush, rush, rush.

For the first time in a long time, I woke up naturally instead of my alarm blaring next to my ear, it was something I had taken for granted, not having to get to work, then spend the afternoon at the hospital. I rolled over and saw Dean completely out. I'm a light sleeper, always have been, so if Dean wakes up before me, it wakes me up, but Dean? Oh no, he could sleep through a bomb. Dean hasn't been getting enough sleep, so I thought I would let him sleep in, so I grabbed a pair of jeans from the floor and closed the door behind me as I made my way into the front room.

Typically Dean and I ate breakfast together, so I turned the television and the Xbox on. I didn't play a ton of video games, but I had to kill time somehow, and this was at least quiet so I could let Dean sleep peacefully. I quickly got caught back up to the last time I had played, but it was hard for me to stay quiet when all I wanted to do was yell at the television when something happened that I didn't like. I was completely submerged in the game, ignoring real life. I wasn't even sure how long I had been playing. The energy of the game had me move to the edge of my seat, I convinced myself this gave me a better advantage in my game playing. I was so focused I didn't hear the bedroom door open, but I did feel Dean slid in behind me on the couch.

Right when he sat down I was battling and couldn't pause it. He pressed his lips to my neck near my collarbone causing me to hit the wrong button and a small moan escaped my lips. "Dean you are very distracting." I moaned out as I tried to get my player back on track.

"Good, I think you need some distracting." He murmured, his lips never fully leaving my skin and my eyelids slid close for a moment, but my game called out as my character started to die once more. Dean wrapped his arm under my outstretched arm and pushed his hand under my jeans, lightly tracing his fingers over me. I flat out lost interest in my game at that point and threw the remote to the ground and turned my head locking my lips with Dean, our tongues fighting against each other's, Dean's hand causing my body to have a teasing pleasure rip through my body.

Pulling away from Dean, I turned and straddled him, pushing my lips against his once more, my urgency for him rising as it always did. I felt Deans hands grip my shoulders and run his fingers down my back causing me to groan out again. He gripped my hips and flipped me over where I was sitting on the couch near the edge and he pulled my pants and boxers off my legs. He settled himself down on the floor and slowly trailed his hands up from my feet to my knees, pushing them open slightly.

Dean teasingly traced his fingers up my thighs until he reached cock and licks from the base to the tip, making fire ignite through to the ends of my fingers and toes. Dean closes his mouth completely over me and seals his lips closed moving at an agonizingly slow pace continuing with the teasing moments from before. He starts to swirl his tongue around the tip and I groan out in pleasure. Reaching out I lace my fingers in his short hair, getting more of a control of Dean. It's already been established that when we're together my urges are too strong and I push his head to move faster where he chuckles and I can feel the vibration continue into my groin.

"Dean." I groan out and grip his hair tighter in my hands. His striking green eyes look up and pierce into my very soul as he picked up tempo my hips starting to match Dean's. He gripped my hips that were slung low on the couch giving him a better advantage to control his own speed as he bobbed his head up and down. As I started to reach my climax I felt my legs and hips shake as the pressure built up, and Dean worked his tongue in ways he knew was sending me over the edge and when I came I felt the dam burst and the pressure let go.

Breathing heavily Dean pressed his back against the bottom of the couch next to me, slinging his arm over my leg. I dare not move, I wasn't sure if my legs would be able to support me at the moment, so I didn't move and just tried to catch my breath. My entire body felt spent and I could have just stayed slouched on the couch for the rest of the day just living in the moment, my body unclenching from the spasms of pleasure coursing throughout my body from head to toe.

Leaning his head over Dean rested his cheek on my leg. "You hungry?" He asked. I wasn't really thinking of anything at the moment, just living on my current feeling of pleasure making its way through my body, but my stomach growled lightly. "I'll take that as a yes." Dean said with a slight chuckle. He got up to make his way into the kitchen, but I got up and caught him before he reached it and planted a deep kiss on his lips, pushing him back against the wall. His intake of breath meant I had caught him off guard and I plunged my hand down his loose fitting pajama pants. "Breakfast can wait." I whispered moving my lips to his ear, biting his ear lobe.

I moved my lips down his throat as I gripped him. He was still hard and I slowly started pumping my hand my lips still trailing over his neck. With a moan, Dean reached up and gripped my shoulders for support to keep from sliding down the wall. Just like Dean did to me earlier, I made my movements slow and teasing, but he wasn't having any of that, just like I didn't earlier. His breathing became shallow the pressure from his fingers in my shoulders getting tighter.

Dean moaned my name when he came not long after. I moved next to him on the wall still trying to catch my breath from earlier. "Good morning indeed." Dean joked and I couldn't help but let out a breathy laugh and I pushed myself off the way, giving Dean another long, deep kiss, savoring the moment of us just being together.

"Breakfast, then we can go to the hospital." I said pulling away from Dean with some reluctance. With a mild groan he pushed himself off the wall as well and walked into the kitchen to start breakfast, and I took a quick shower. By the time I was clean, dry and dressed, Dean was putting bacon and eggs on a plate for me. We ate quickly and while Dean took a shower I cleaned up the pans and plates from breakfast, then we left for the hospital to check on Lisa and spend another day trying to make life not feel like a jail while she was trapped at the hospital.

X-X

Okay we are starting to get close to the end. I've already started working on another Supernatural fic that I will be posting when this one is finished. I hope everyone is enoying the new season, I have some issues...mommy issues...but I won't dare spoil them for anyone! I hope you like where the story is going and have a great weekend! Thanks for everyone who is now following the story and has put it on their favorite list!

Desiree'


	12. We're In This Together

Chapter 12

As the days passed, Dean and I counted our lucky stars, though the increasing fear settled into our stomachs, we were now having semi-daily scares with Lisa thinking she was going to have an emergency C-Section. Mostly the baby was fine, his heart rate was good and string, and it was Lisa who was having all the problems. Her blood pressure was still horrible, the medication has pretty much stopped working and her contractions started coming on even stronger. Our next step was a different type of medication for the contractions and today was going to be day one. From the warning the nurses gave us, Lisa was going to be very uncomfortable and would need all the support she could get, so both Dean and I took of work for the morning, but Dean had to go in after lunch.

The medication they put her on was called Magnesium Sulfate. As soon as they started the medication drip they pulled a big fan in the room. Lisa had had some typical 'hot flashes' during pregnancy, which she thought was funny since she was usually always cold. Not that I didn't already know Lisa, when her and Dean were a couple we hung out a lot, but since all this went down I've gotten to know her a lot more. We've actually become friends, kind of, yet she and Dean were growing farther and farther apart. I couldn't blame him for what she did, though that was bad, and I understood why they were falling farther apart. I think Lisa could feel the resentment, but they still had bonds with each other and always would now, so Dean was trying his best to try and at least be friendly with her.

After 3 hours after the medication started the side effects kicked in. "I'm burning up." Lisa complained and Dean went to tell the nurses who started bringing in ice packs to try and help her cool off. Her face was red and she was sweating. She kicked off the blanket and her hospital gown was pulled up on her legs and I couldn't help but blush at how much of her body I was seeing, but it was obvious she flat out didn't care who saw her in her current state. Dean was standing up near her head fanning her with some paper he found in the room and his eyes locked on mine, and he knew why I was embarrassed. He just smiled slightly and shrugged his shoulders since there wasn't anything we could do, Lisa was the one suffering, not me.

An hour after she started burning up, Dean had to go to work, they were falling behind and cars were piling up, but I would be able to stay with her and I told him I would call if anything else happened. Thankfully she wasn't as hot when Dean left, so we removed the ice packs but kept the fan blowing, which seemed to help. I was sitting in the chair next to the head of her bed when she left out a horrible gasp that made me jump and she started to breathe hard, like she was having a panic attack.

"I can't see out of my left eye!" Lisa cried out, my heart started to pound as I tried to find the call button, but I couldn't, it must be buried underneath her, so I grabbed her hand briefly, "its okay, I'll be right back with a nurse." It seemed they had heard us out in the hall because a nurse came in and looked at her eye before I could even let go of her hand. Lisa clung to my hand like she was drowning.

"It's okay Lisa, it's just the medication, and your eye site is fine. I know it's scary, but your eye is responding to light, this is just a side effect." The nurse assured Lisa in a calm voice and the pressure on my hand let up slightly, but I could still see fear all over her face. The nurse went out and brought in another medication, this time in a syringe and injected it in a port on her IV. "Lisa, this is going to help you sleep, and by the time you wake up the first dose will be done and we will decide if you need another dose." Then she leaned closer to me. "If you need anything else just yell, were all just right outside her door." I nodded my head. The medication they gave Lisa worked fast, her eyes were already starting to slip close and her grip on my hand relaxed, and I gently placed her hand back on the bed.

Even thought she was still asleep I could tell she was getting hot again, huge beads of sweat popped up on her brow and I got up to ask for more ice packs, thought I didn't yell, I didn't want to risk waking her up. They brought in a few and placed them on her forehead and behind her neck and told me when she wasn't so flush to take them off. I really hoped this worked, seeing Lisa like this was hard, she just looked so miserable and there wasn't anything I could do about it, she was the one who asked if there was a medication better then what she was taking to stop the contractions, they said this would help, but it wasn't fun for mom, but she made the decision to go for it.

Once her complexion returned to a normal color, I removed the ice packs and tossed them aside. She was still asleep so I sat back down and checked my phone and had a text from Dean. I told him about her eye, but everything was okay. He had another few hours before he could come back to the hospital, so I sent him a text that told him to hurry and get his sweat ass back to the hospital, just to make him smile. My mind started to wander from everything but one thing I couldn't stop thinking about was the baby's name.

Even though Lisa seemed to be over the fact that Dean and I were together, I still felt like I had no opinion when it came to the baby, which I totally got, I didn't really, but it still stung. Dean didn't feel that way though, he said I should be included in those type of decisions, but it didn't matter, I actually tended to agree with Lisa. Dean and I were together, but I wasn't the dad and that made Dean mad that that's how I felt, but it was true. I wouldn't expect Dean to feel this way if Lisa had a boyfriend.

Lisa wanted to name him Ben, Dean thought that was too generic at which point Lisa said the baby needed normality since his life was already screwed up. Parents not together and his dad was shacking up with another dude. Dean and I felt like that was a low blow and Dean was gearing up for a fight with Lisa when I placed my hand on his knee trying to calm him down. She could have her own opinion, even if it hurt us, and he let it drop. The subject wasn't brought up again.

The monitor that recoded the contractions looked like the medication was actually working. Her contractions were almost gone and when they did happen, they were very mild. Lisa might not need another dose after all, the nurses were hopeful that the first dose would do the trick.

Hours seemed ty tick by slowly while Lisa slept on, and finally the first dose was complete. Dean showed up when they removed the bag of medication for regular fluid. I caught Dean up on what happened between bites of food that he brought for me, I had been so wrapped up with focusing and worrying about Lisa that I didn't want to leave her and get something to eat. We sat quietly watching television when Lisa woke up and started crying, catching us both off guard. Since Dean was sitting next to her, he turned and fumbled for her hand and she pulled him in for a hug and sobbed. She was trying to talk to him but neither of us could understand what she was saying and Dean just held her while she cried herself out.

"I'm sorry." She huffed, her breathing not quite back to normal yet. "I don't know what came over me, I just…I don't know. I feel terrible."

"It's okay Lisa, the medication is done, and it seemed to work." Dean added in a somewhat cheery voice and she let go of his neck and he straightened up.

"I know, it's just all catching up with me." She stated still a little watery around the eyes. Dean knew how uncomfortable I was around women who cried, so I knew he tried to spare me having to deal with that, but I knew he was uncomfortable about it too, thankfully though Meg was already on her way here to the hospital and was going to stay with her during the night. I knew that tonight was going to be rough if she was going to be teary eyed the whole night, Meg would know how to deal with that.

The hospital staff had brought Lisa a tray of food and left it for her when she woke, and she ate a little, but felt nauseated, which was another side effect. Once Meg got there, it was time for Dean and I to go. My back was killing me where I had sat in a chair all day and Dean was exhausted after having been at the hospital then working all afternoon. We stood up to go, but Lisa called out to Dean.

"Wait, Dean. Can I talk to you…alone for a second before you leave?"

The atmosphere in the room changed drastically and Dean looked at me, to which I just shrugged, so Meg and I walked out of the room closing the door behind us. We stood in the hall trying to make small talk while Lisa and Dean were talking, I mostly just updated Meg about what Lisa had been through in the last 12 hours, and some of the side effects she might still be experiencing over the next 24 hours.

After a few more minutes Dean came out looking pissed. His jaw was set in a hard line, and his shoulders were hunched over, I opened my mouth to ask what that was about but he just shook his head and walked past Meg without a word. I turned to Meg about to apologize for Dean, but all words were lost on me, so I just shook my head and took off after Dean leaving Meg to look confused. I caught up to him as he reached his car. He was already getting inside the car, and when I sat down I looked at him expectantly, but he didn't start the car. I just gave him time, although my curiosity was killing me. Dean gripped the wheel so tight his knuckles were turning while. I gently placed my hand on his shoulder, but he shrugged it off and we drove him in silence.

He pulled in besides my car at home, but didn't turn the car off. "Lisa told me she still loves me." Dean finally blurted out. I felt like someone had just slapped me and my stomach had just been pushed into a big bucket of ice. "She wants me to take her back and raise the baby. Try to give us another try and let the baby grow up with a normal family."

My worst fears were coming true, but as much as I loved Dean, I did want him to be happy. He seemed like he was happy with me, but I couldn't blame him for wanting something more…normal. The feeling of drowning overtook me so quickly I had a hard time trying to catch my breath, but I couldn't bring myself to look at Dean, I just stared straight out through the window. "Is that what you want?" I whispered, closing my eyes, blocking out the world.

X-X

A cliffhanger, I know, I know, just write a review and tell me if you hate me lol. Okay so everything in here about Lisa and this medication actually happened to me, my son tried to come way too early so this experience is first hand knowledge, I didn't need to research anything, but thankfully he's okay now, so no worries! I hope you have liked the story so far, were getting close to the end! Thanks so much to everyone who has started following the story or following me, those emails really make me happy!

Desiree'


	13. Too Soon

Chapter 13

I didn't dare open my eyes to see the truth reflecting in Dean's eyes, he didn't want to be with me, he wanted to be with Lisa and give their baby a fighting chance at normalcy. Dean let out a jagged breath causing my heart to shutter in my chest, I could feel tears pricking at my closed eyes.

"Damnit Cas!" Dean yelled out causing me to open my eyes, the air made them sting even more and I willed the tears to dry before falling. "I told her no okay. I told her I was in love with you and that I, we, still wanted to be as much of a family as before.

I could breathe again, he choose me. He may have told me he loved me, but secretly in my heart I always slightly doubted it, now I knew I was wrong to ever have doubted him. Dean turned off the car and took another deep breath. "Let's go in, I'm exhausted." Dean grunted, his voice raw with emotion. I nodded and we walked into our apartment, a new feeling crept in my heart and I felt like I could truly open my heart to him and not have it returned to me completely crushed.

When we awoke the next morning I had suggested staying home, Lisa wouldn't want me there, I felt like it would be a slap in the face to flaunt me being there when Dean had picked me over her.

"I need you there Cas." Dean admitted, but I just shook my head.

"No Dean, Lisa is the one having the most stress put on her, she doesn't need me there today. Maybe things will be better by the time the baby gets here. Don't put too much stress on her right now Dean, we still don't have any type of custody arrangement in place and I don't want her to punish you." I tried to reason with him.

Right now, I could imagine her hating me. If she truly was still in love with Dean, then he when we were at the hospital it would feel as if her were to parade the person he said he loved instead of her right in front of her. Well that was just too cruel. We still had 10 long weeks in front of us. Time would go one and hopefully she'll realize things with her and Dean wouldn't happen and everything would go back to normal. At least I hoped so, and this was really a bad time, I had thought Lisa and I were actually getting closer.

Dean ate a quick breakfast and left for the hospital and on the outside I was totally fine, but inside I felt like absolute shit. I know I had no real claim to make any type of real decision regarding the baby, but I wanted to be a part of it and Dean had started to convince me that I did. I already loved him as if he was my own, but as much as I hurt right now, it would be worth it in the end. Lisa would get over it, and Dean and I could go on and raise him with Lisa.

For the last 8 weeks, we had been so preoccupied with work and the hospital it felt strange to have nothing to do. I cleaned up the dishes from breakfast and felt lost. What do I do now? I walked to the baby's room and looked around. The walls were painted, and the crib was assembled, but it was bare. The room definitely needed work. Now I knew what to do, so I grabbed my keys and walked out to my car. I drove to a Babies-R-Us and started getting things I knew we would need. Of course I had no idea what we really needed, but thankfully someone took pity on me and started to help me out.

"Single dad, huh?" She asked with a smile on her face, her eye's flicked down to my L hand. It would be easier to let her think that, so I just nodded, I didn't want to get into my story with a woman I didn't know. "Don't worry hun, I can help you get set up." She led me up and down the isles getting everything for a newborn. An hour later, my wallet was significantly lighter and I was piling everything in the back of my car, and set off home. Then I had to unload it. By the time I took in my last bag sweat was pouring off me, but I was nowhere near finished. Now I had the task of getting everything put u and in place. It took me an entire hour to put the changing table together. Dean could have done it in half the time and with less problems then I had, but I wanted this to be a surprise for him.

The woman who helped me out tried to get me to buy more clothes then I got, but I knew he would be staying with Lisa for the majority of the time, so I only got a few outfits and they were so small! Finally hours later I was finished and went to take a shower. I took my phone out of my pocket, surprised I hadn't gotten at least a text from Dean, but I realized it was dead. That's why I haven't heard from him, so I plugged it up and hopped in the shower.

Once out, I looked at my phone and my stomach filled with dread when I saw I had 15 missed calls from Dean. I immediately called him back already getting dressed. Something was wrong, or he wouldn't have called that many times. He answered on the first ring.

"Cas! Get here right now. Lisa's having problems and the baby's heart rate is slowing down, they are gonna do an emergency C-Section." Dean yelled and I was already running out to my car. "Where have you been? Why didn't you answer your phone, what's the point of having a phone if you don't answer it!" Dean continued to yell at me.

"I'm sorry, my phone was dead and I didn't know." I huffed as I threw myself back into the car. "I'll be there in 10." I said and hung up as I backed up and drove to the hospital. I ended up getting there in 8 minutes and tore off down the halls trying to find Dean, but found Meg first. The second her eyes found mine she threw her arms around my neck.

"Meg, what happened?" I asked urgently and pushed her back slightly and saw fear in her eyes.

"IIII…I don't know, she was fine one second, and the next she got really pale and passed out. The monitors started going off and they rushed in and took over." Meg babbled, she was clearly distraught.

I placed my hands on her shoulder trying to calm her. "How long ago was this?" I asked calmly.

"I don't know…maybe 5, 10 minutes ago." She stammered. "They were in the room about 20 minutes before they took her to an OR room."

"Have they come out and said anything? Did Dean go with her?"

"Dean went with her, but no one has told me anything." She replied and tears filled her eyes. I pulled her back to my chest and she buried her face into my shoulder and sobbed. I felt very awkward, as I always did around crying women, but I just held onto her. I've learned to just let them cry it out. Since Lisa had been admitted in the hospital I've had more girls cry on me then I have in my entire life. Dean was the one who told me to just let them cry and pat their backs, then they'll be fine, so that's what I did and she cried for a few minutes, then pulled away and took a deep breath. I led her over to the chairs and made her sit down. Now it was time to wait.

It was hard for me to just sit and wait though. My insides were squirming like there were worm wiggling around in there. I nervously started chewing my nails and I couldn't get my leg to be still. It kept bouncing up and down on its own. Meg was rocking back and forth and kept wringing her fingers together, both of our nerves were shot.

Dean came out about 30 minutes later, his face a mask of pain and he came up to me and pulled me in for a hug holding me tight. I wrapped around my arms around him, his body shaking. "Dean?" I asked my voice cracked and he let out a sob and held me tighter, the worst possible thoughts going through my head. "Dean, what happened?" I repeated.

"I don't know, they pulled him out and rushed him out of the room so fast I didn't even get to see him. They said his lungs aren't ready and Lisa…I don't know…they said her blood pressure bottomed out and she's loosing too much blood, and they kicked me out, they were working on her, and the nurse just pulled me out. I don't know anything." Dean rambled so fast I could barely understand him. He just clung to me. I felt like I was falling, but I had to pull myself together and be there for Dean.

"It's okay Dean, he'll be fine, and so will Lisa." I barely managed to get out and I felt him nod, but his breath came out so ragged against my neck. I led Dean over to a chair and made him sit down. I sat next to him and grabbed his hand in support.

Time seemed to stop as we waited for any type of answer on Lisa and the baby. If I thought waiting before was bad, I was wrong. My stomach was in knots, my heart was beating a mile a minute, my throat was bone dry and my hands were clammy, I felt like I was going to throw up. Finally a doctor came out. "Mr. Winchester?" He called out and all three of us stood up and walked towards us.

"Mr. Winchester, I'm so sorry. We did everything we could for Lisa. She lost too much blood and we couldn't get her blood pressure to get back up. We couldn't revive her."

Silence. What did he just say? Meg lost it and let out a bone chilling sob. No…he couldn't be right. Tears filled my eyes dropping down my face and a sob escaped me. How did this happen?

"What about my son?" Dean asked in a whisper.

"Well for being 10 weeks early, we were prepared for his lungs to be underdeveloped, he is currently on oxygen. He is lacking surfactant, that's a substance that coats the lungs and keeps them from sticking together, the good news is we can treat this. Essentially he just needs time to grow up a little. If you like, you can see him now."

Dean looked at me and squeezed my hand, then followed the doctor out. I turned to Meg, disbelief in my eyes. What do we do now? I've never known anybody who's died before. Meg looked like she was falling apart, so I pulled her in for an embrace and we both cried together. I was surprised at how Dean was taking the news, but I knew he would break down, it was just a matter of time. Meg pulled away and didn't look me in the eye. She turned and walked away, leaving me alone in the waiting room. One of the nurses who regularly helped with Lisa approached me.

"I know it's only supposed to be family back there, but your family honey, follow me." She said softly and I silently followed her to where Dean was. He heard up approach and turned. His face was red and tear streaked. The nurse silently left and Dean pulled me to him, burying his face in my shoulder and cried. "What do we do now?" He asked me. He sounded so childlike. I really had no idea, but I just held him. The baby let out a cry, louder than I expected, and I got my first glance at him.

He looked bigger then I would have though a preemie would be, especially being 10 weeks early. He had a diaper on with a tube under his nose, it was taped to his cheeks to hold it in place. There were little square patches on his chest and I assumed they were heart monitors. He had a blood pressure cuff on his lower leg and an O2 monitor wrapped around his little foot. There was even an IV stuck in his right hand. I moved even closer to the incubator to get a really good look at him and I smiled when I saw he had a full head of hair. He let out another cry, so I opened the little circle and gently placed my hand on his leg trying to calm him slightly.

I turned to look at Dean, but he wasn't there. "Dean?" I called out, but no answer. Where in the hell was he? Why would he leave? I knew he was stressed he liked to be alone, but this wasn't the time. He had a baby to take care of now. I turned back to the baby because he continued to wail, his little fists swinging in the air, his face red. The same nurse who brought me back in gave me a sad smile. "I don't know what to do." I admitted and she patted me on the back. "You'll learn." She replied. He slowly started to settle down, his eyes closing, his little chest rising and falling slowly, so I pulled my hand away from his leg and closed the opening.

"Have you decided on a name yet?"

"Ben Winchester." I said without hesitation. "It's the name Lisa wants…wanted, so that's what it's going to be."

She smiled again and wrote it on a little blue card and taped it to the top of the incubator. "How do we go about arrangements? About Lisa." I whispered. She placed her hand on my shoulder.

"Dean is out there taking care of it right now."

Relief washed through me. He didn't take off, needing to be alone, he knew I'd be here for Bed and he was taking care of Lisa. I pulled a chair up to his incubator and just watched him sleep, the monitors beeping behind me. I didn't know how long I sat there before Dean came back, I had nodded off and was awoken when he placed his hand on my shoulder waking me. He pulled a chair up next to mine.

"Ben huh?" Dean asked looking at the name card.

"It's what Lisa wanted." I rebutted, but Dean just nodded his head in agreement, he knew it was the right decision and we settled in for the longest night of our lives, it was never going to be the same now.

X-X

So I wasn't originally going to leave the last chapter as a cliffhanger, but since I havn't had one in so long, I decided, what the hell! So this is a really sad chapter, at least writing it was for me, I don't like killing character's off, and that's just the way the story took me, so don't hate me for it! Okay, enough with the story, has anyone else been kinda excited with the 'older' plot lines Supernatural has been bringing up? I really thought last week we were going to see more of old yellow eye's special kids, but no...oh well. Thanks to everyone who has started following me or the story, it really means a lot. This is my first fanfic in years and I was feeling a little on the rusty side, and you make me feel as if I haven't completely lost my touch after all! I hope you have a wonderful weekend!

Desiree'


	14. Home Sweet Home

Chapter 14

If we thought waiting for Ben to be born was hard, that was nothing comparted to seeing him stuck in an incubator fighting for every breath he took. It didn't help that Dean and I were both mourning for Lisa. We may not have been on the best terms when she died, but she was still Ben's mom and my friend. Dean was truly lost. He may not have loved her anymore, but I knew he blamed himself for her death. If they hadn't ever met, she still could have been alive, and I pointed out that if that were the case, neither would Ben. It wasn't fair to trade a life for another life, but this was the way it happened and we needed to be here helping Ben fight for his life.

Lisa's parents had died in an accident over 7 years ago, and was a single child so it was up to us, her friends, to take care of what we needed to do. Meg had told us she had wanted to be cremated because she was scared of small spaces and she didn't want to spend an eternity in a small box, so we cremated her and we spared her ashes in a rover, that way she could spread out and not have to spend eternity somewhere small. Dean and I didn't go though, we wanted to, but Meg said she knew Lisa would want us to stay with Ben.

Either Dean or I was always at the hospital, we pretty much just lived there now. Once a day we would each take a turn driving home, to shower and change, then right back to the hospital. We were both grateful that the staff that had been with Lisa would pop in and check on us to see how Ben was doing. He was a week old now and improving. His O2 stats were good and today they were going to completely remove his oxygen and if he did okay, then we could actually go home in a few days. They had slowly turned his oxygen down until it was the lowest it could be and he was handling it like a champ.

Neither Dean nor I have actually gotten to hold him yet, but anything we could do, we have. We got to give him a bottle which was awkward as they took the top off the incubator and pretty much just had to hold him up like he was sitting up, but sat back at an angle like he was in a recliner and hold the bottle in the other hand. He has also received two 'baths', both times he would scream at the top of his lungs the moment the soapy washcloth touched his body, but the nurses said that him crying was actually exercising his lungs and helping him get better, but seeing him so distressed really bothered both of us and the nurse stepped in to help. In Dean's opinion she was a little too rough on him, and I had to remind him that she spent the majority of her day with these babies and knew how to take care of him.

Ben was currently asleep when the nurse came in and turned his oxygen off completely. "Were going to leave the tubes in place in case his O2 stats start getting low." She remarked and watched him for a few moments then left. Both of us couldn't help but glue our eyes to the monitor and hold our breaths as we watched it drop 1, then 2 numbers. My eye's fell on his chest rising and falling smoothly, still asleep. When I looked back at the monitor his O2 level was back up to 98% and I let out a sigh of relief. Right where we needed him to be. Of course we still had a way ahead of us, this was just the last step we needed to take before we could cross the finish line.

He would need to go without oxygen for 72 hours before they would let us take him home, well let Dean take him home. Two days after Ben was born, they had gotten him to a good O2 level and said we could bring in visitors, so we called Sam and Jess, and my dad. He was currently in Japan, but congratulated us and said he would be praying for Ben and would stop by once he came home. Sam and Jess dropped everything and came to the hospital immediately. Jess couldn't believe how big he looked, but Sam, Dean and I couldn't help but remark how small he looked.

"Yeah well you're all giants. Us regular people really see how the world looks."

They didn't stay too long, but called or came by every day to check on us. As far as Dean's parents, well Mary was there just a few hours after he was born, she saw him before they said we could have visitors. She wept when we told her about Lisa. John finally came on day 5, he didn't so much as look at me when he walked in, but went straight to Ben. He actually caught him awake and when he tried to hold his hand, Ben actually grabbed his finger and he let out a small breathy laugh, and Mary cried again. When Ben finally let go, John pulled his hand away and actually pulled Dean in for a hug. When they pulled away, his eyes were red. I didn't expect him to acknowledge me at all, but he surprised me when he stuck out his hand and I tentatively grasped his hand.

We haven't had any contact since he punched me and I had really wanted to step out of the room when Dean said they were both coming, but he wouldn't let me.

"I own you an apology Casitel." John confessed shaking my hand.

"No apology needed." I muttered and pulled my hand back.

"No it is, I reacted poorly, and I regret what happened."

I nodded my head and he went back to stand next to Mary and look at their grandson, my heart beating in my chest. I saw astonishment all over Dean's face, I'm sure my face mirrored his.

After 12 hours of Ben being completely off oxygen he was still doing great and said we could finally hold him, so Dean gingerly picked him up holding him close to his chest. I was right next to him looking down into his blue eyes. Ben looked up at as and yawned, Dean slowly started swaying from side to side, rocking him gently to sleep. I didn't think I could have loved Dean anymore then I already did, but seeing him holding Ben and looking like a complete natural, well that was it for me.

Dean looked up at me and smiled and held Ben out for me to take, but I shook my head. The smile fell from his face. "Cas, come on."

"I'm afraid I'll drop him, or break him." I admitted. Dean rolled his eyes and carefully placed Ben in my arms. He felt so light and small in my arms and he let out another big yawn, his little fists flailing around trying to rub his eyes.

"Well he's still in one piece, and not on the floor. See you got this."

I let out a chuckle and mimicked the swaying motion Dean had done and after a few minutes his little eyes slipped closed and I slowly laid him back down in his little bed, a sigh escaping my lips. I didn't realize just how nervous I had been holding him and even though I had only held him for a few minutes I felt like my whole body was sore. I must have been strained more than I thought while holding him.

"Don't worry, you'll get used to it. He won't break." Dean said softly and placed a hand on my shoulder. I let out another breath trying to get myself back to normal.

Ben had done great over the next 72 hours, he didn't even have the tiniest hiccup. The doctors had said all he needed was time to grow up. It was lucky I had gone out and got the things we would need for Ben. I thought at the time that he would just be coming over for a few hours with Lisa at first, but I still got everything he would need just because I felt it was better to be over prepared, so it's a good thing I did.

Before we left the hospital we had to let Ben sit in his car seat for an hour with the monitors still on to make sure he would be okay to travel, which he did, so Dean carried him out to his seat and snapped it into the base I had installed in his car the day before. We didn't live too far from the hospital and were home in no time.

"Welcome home Ben." Dean said as we brought him inside the apartment still in his car seat.

"He's asleep Dean, don't wake him." I shushed him. Dean set his car seat down on the couch and unhooked him and carefully carried him to the bouncer next to the couch. The nurses had warned us not to leave him in his seat for too long, that put unnecessary stress on his body.

Dean's family wanted to be here when we finally got to bring him home, but Dean and I both wanted it to be just us. We've had too much stress put on us, and we just wanted this moment to be stress free and just enjoy the moment of our new little family. This was so new to both of us, it would take a while to get in the swing of things. For the next few days we would get accustomed to having Ben in our lives full time. We had assumed Ben would only stay with us for a few hours at first, but life threw us a curveball. We didn't want it like this, both of us haven't really come to terms with Lisa's death, and eventually we'll have to explain to Ben about his mother, but that would be years down the road.

Right now we will have to do the best we could do. Dean is going to pull his knowledge of being a big brother and I was just going to have to wing it as best as I knew how as far as raising a child. We may not be perfect in anyway, but Ben was going to be so loved and so cared for. I would like to think Lisa would be proud of us and the love we give Ben on a daily basis.

X-X

Yes this is the end. I hope you have liked it. I kinda have this cute little epilogue rolling around in my head, I didn't write it out, but if you really want me to post it, just let me know and I'll type it up and post it, but it's not really long and it's just kinda fluffy between Cas and Dean, so just let me know. I also started wrtiting a new Supernatural fanfic, no Destiel in that one though, so be on the lookout for that soon, I'm already 11 chapters into it, so that one I will also update twice a week. Again, a huge thanks to all my fans, the people that reviewed it and have started to follow the story/me, it really does mean a lot to me!

Desiree'


	15. Epilogue

I rolled over and Dean wasn't in bed, there was only one place he could be. With Ben. I hadn't actually heard him cry though so I wonder why Dean had gotten up, but maybe I just didn't hear him. Our apartment was small, so we didn't really need a baby monitor, though we had one for when we went into the kitchen and whatnot, but I looked at the white monitor and saw a small red dot glowing, like there was just a small amount of noise. Dean and I had both managed to get an extended time off of work after Ben was put into the NICU, and I knew I didn't have to get up and go to work, but Ben had his days and nights off, so we spend the majority of the day and night up. I just couldn't get my body to sleep during the day, and Ben cried at night.

It would have been so easy to just roll over and go back to sleep, but I wanted to make sure Ben was okay, so I groaned in the back of my throat and got up out of bed. Quietly I walked down the hall and when I peaked my head into Ben's room I could see Dean's back, and he was clearly holding Ben in his arms rocking him from side to side softly. A small smile spread out on my lips. I loved seeing Dean with Ben, they just fit perfectly together and Dean adored him so much. Dean leaned down and placed a kiss on his forehead and started huming 'Hey Jude' by The Beatles. I knew it was a song Mary sung to the boys, because she used to sing it to me when I stayed at their house when I was a kid and couldn't sleep. That song brought back fond memories.

"You know I haven't got laid in weeks because of you." Dean murmered still rocking Ben from side to side slowly. "I know your cute and all, but you need to go to sleep, I need some dad time."

It was clear that Dean thought this was funny because his shoulder shook softly with a quiet laugh.

"That's not appropriate." I said softly walking into the room and Dean jumped slightly.

"He's asleep, and a baby, he doesn't understand." Dean replied as I walked up besides him.

Dean was taller then I was, but I could touch the bottom of my chin to his shoulder and look down at Ben a fond smile still on my face.

"He's asleep, come back to bed, maybe you can get that alone time after all." I purred in his ear and I felt a shiver go down his spine.

X-X

"Dad come on, I look stupid!" Ben complained.

I poked my head around the corner of the kitchen to see Ben giving me a very unhappy glare, his arms crossed across his little chest. "No you don't, I see a very smart little man giving me mean look." I replied zipping up his ninja turtle backpack.

Dean came out of the bedroom, and glanced at Ben once, and did a double take. "Come on Cas, don't send him to his first day of school in a frickin tie!" Dean remarked rounding on Bed and threw him over his shoulder. Ben let out a squeal of delight at having been tossed around like a sack of potatoes. "Where are you going?" I asked and followed the two laughing boys down the hall.

"To change." Dean replied and they dissapeared into Ben's bedroom. After a few minutes they came out and Ben was wearing a dark red tee shirt and jeans with black work boots. "Really?" I asked when Ben ran out of his room and made an impressive pose in front of me in the front room.

Dean's face was a mask of pure innocence. "He picked it out himself." Dean said spreading his hands in front of himself as an act of 'don't kill me' stance. Just looking at Ben's excited face and I was a goner. "Okay bucko, go get in the car." I muttered and Ben's little arms threw themselves around my neck in a hug.

X-X

"Again, again!" Bed shouted out.

Sam grabbed his hands tightly in his and started to spin around and around, Ben's feet being pulled off the Earth as his Sam swung him faster around.

"He's really going to be a great father isn't he?" Jess asked me as Dean, and I sat down at the park table next to Jess. Her belly doing it's own impression of levitation.

"Course he is." Dean said with a smile and nudged Jess on the shoudler with his own shoulder. "Thanks for watching him while we finished up all the paperwork."

Jess turned to us and gave us a radiant smile. "When do you get to pick her up?"

"Paperwork is going to be ready tomorrow, and by Friday she's going to be all ours."

After Ben turned 2 Dean and I had decided to expand our family. At first we had talked about foster care, but we both didn't like the idea of it not becoming full time. We wanted more kids and we both didn't want to start to care about a child and CPS coming to take them away, so we knew adoption was going to be the thing. Now 5 years down the road, we found a little girl, Claire. Her mother had died of an overdose and her father had run off years before when she was only an infant. When her picture was floated to us, our hearts were gone. She was beautiful and we got the paperwork started immediately.

We had told Ben he was going to be a big brother and he was excited about having someone to look after and take care of, though he did say he was going to be her dad and not her brother, which we told him that we were going to be her dad and he was a big brother, he just shrugged his shoulders and said as long as he could look out for her he didn't care if he was her dad or her brother. We knew then that he was going to be an amazing brother.

"Of course, Ben is a great kid, it's nice practice for Sam." Jess replied and patted her swollen stomach.

Sam set Ben down and as soon as his feet hit the grass he fell over laughing. Sam made his way to the table, slowly, and was unsteady on his feet as the world spun faster for him then it did for us at the moment. He slung his arm over Jess' shoulder and kissed her cheek causing Ben to groan from the ground at the site of them kissing.

"Ew, big people kissing." Ben said making a show of covering his eyes and we all laughed at him.

X-X

Having Claire in our lives felt like it was meant to be. We had our little family together and we were happy. Everything happens for a reason, as much as we hated how everything happened, we were happy and together so that was all that mattered.

All those years ago before Dean and I got together I never thought I could ever be this happy, let alone this happy and have kids with Dean. My 'if only' thoughts had become a reality and it turned out so much better then I even thought I wanted, my heart holding more love for Dean then I ever thought I could. My life was fantastic and I wouldn't change anything in the world for it.

X-X

Okay so like I had said in my last chapter I was kinda on the fence about this and had a few of these little quick shots about what happened after the story ended and I would like to thank the iz for giving me a few more ideas, her stories are really amazing btw you really should check them out! Anyways, okay this is it, it's done. I will be posting my new Supernatural story this coming Friday, I really need to think about a title because I still havn't done so, I usually leave that to the last moment, so make sure to check it out, though no Destiel...sorry...but I still hope you check it out and like it. As always, thanks so much to the people who follow the story and myself!

Desiree'


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